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| Back in stores soon, ebook is on Amazon Kindle |
By Trace Hentz, Blog Editor
After requests and many kind words, the second edition of ONE SMALL SACRIFICE is back on Amazon HERE and it will start showing up in bookstores again, or you can request your local bookstore order it for you.
I never wanted to write about me, but my story helped others and it might help you open your adoption, and process what happened to you.
๐๐๐This is a reblog from 2012:
The Special Place of Children in Aboriginal
Cultures
Cultures
Children hold a special
place in Aboriginal cultures. According to tradition, they are gifts from the
spirit world and have to be treated very gently lest they become disillusioned
with this world and return to a more congenial place. They must be protected
from harm because there are spirits that would wish to entice them back to that
other realm. They bring a purity of vision to the world that can teach their
elders. They carry within them the gifts that manifest themselves as they
become teachers, mothers, hunters, councillors, artisans and visionaries. They
renew the strength of the family, clan and village and make the elders young
again with their joyful presence. Failure to care for these gifts bestowed on
the family, and to protect children from the betrayal of others, is perhaps the
greatest shame that can befall an Aboriginal family. It is a shame that
countless Aboriginal families have experienced some of this repeatedly over
generations.
By Trace Hentz (formerly DeMeyer)
I saw a photo today (see below) This book cover reminded me of this excerpt and chapter in my memoir.
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Four Traumas (published in 2012) (10 years later, republished in 2022)
Now
that we have the internet and many ways to find information, I read that adoptees
are more traumatized than a prisoner of war. That’s right. It’s called post-traumatic
stress disorder. A prisoner of war may escape or be released, but an adoptee may
suffer their entire life.
I
believe there are four distinct traumas in being an adoptee. They are: 1) in
utero, when you feel what is happening to you or sense what is coming; 2) when
you are delivered, abandoned, and handed to strangers; 3) later when you are
told you are adopted and realize fully what it means; and 4) when you realize
you are different, from a different culture or country, and you can’t contact
your people, or know them, or have the information you need to find them.
It took me years to get this. There
are more traumas, too – like when I’d fill out forms at the doctor’s office. I
had no medical history. I had no idea if I was sitting next to someone who
could be my biological brother, sister, mother or father. It was terrifying to
think I could marry my own relative! I could carry a gene or trait that I pass
down to my children – and I wouldn’t know until it’s too late. If my birthparents
were alcoholics, then I really shouldn’t drink. I could be pre-disposed to
diabetes or heart disease or cancer or depression and not even know. My list went
on and on.
In 2006, I
found out my birthmother had diabetes, which came as another shock.
I realize a
powerful link exists between what I’m feeling, and what happens in my body. Years
ago I’d use emotional binging, working more than one job, creating drama, just to
numb my emotional pain. By 18 I was a total workaholic! I blamed myself and
hated myself for everything. What grief, too young to
understand. My birthmother’s rejection destroyed my ability to trust anyone.
There
may be some adoptees who do not wish to heal this and go on as they are,
holding on to these sad feelings and self-pity, rather than do the mental work
to heal. Recognizing a pattern of belief is tough, partly because you gain
sympathy by stealing (or sucking) energy from others when you act sick. That is
no way to live. You need to be your own person, self-energizing, and not steal
energy from anyone.
Adoptees
are meant to survive this, no matter who we are or how we were traumatized. It’s
a test.
Can
we heal our own minds? Yes.
Can
we love two families? Yes.
Can
we take our recovery and story back to our families? Definitely.
Some
adoptees believe that when we meet mother or father, all pain and agony will
disappear. That sadly is just hope. That is not the way it works. A reunion is
just one step on the journey and it helps, but there are many many more steps
just as difficult. It’s truly a test.
Regardless
of ancestry, creed or complexion, adoptees can heal this. The only one who can
fix it is you.
I’m uneasy
around new people, reserved and shy at times. I’ve lived through many
disappointments. It’s very upsetting to find out about orphan trauma now, years
later, knowing no one bothered to tell me or help me while I was experiencing
it.
After
multiple traumas, which I’ll describe, I came to terms with it… eventually.
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