Adoption = Perfect Product Placement
By Trace L Hentz (adoptee-blogger)In south Chicago in the 1950s, my 22-year-old mother imagined my father, 28, would marry her since she was pregnant with me. That didn’t happen.
Did my birthmother’s family support her and allow her to keep me? That didn’t happen.I was illegitimate but I wasn’t an orphan since I had two parents. Did the state contact my father and ask him to raise me? No. That didn’t happen.
After an orphanage then foster care, the damage done in those months is not something I can describe in words but I only wanted to be with my natural mother. That didn’t happen.The couple who adopted me had miscarried twice and I was supposed to be the perfect replacement. I had my own DNA and my own ancestors but that didn’t matter. They expected me to be their lost child. That didn’t happen.
I was not supposed to question anything. When I decided I wanted to know who I was, what happened and why I was adopted, I asked my adoptive family for information and the truth. That didn’t happen.The social worker convinced my mother I was better off with new parents who she never met. Did the social worker tell my mother I would be emotionally distraught, devastated and mentally damaged from being abandoned? No. That didn’t happen.
The church and the state were supposed to conduct interviews and home inspections. Did they find out my adoptive father was a raging alcoholic. Did they stop him from molesting me? No. That didn’t happen.My natural mother probably thought the church and state and the social worker would protect me after adoption. Did the social worker check on me? No. That didn’t happen.
Many of my adopted friends were sexually molested as teens by their adoptive fathers and other relatives. Will the adoption industry ever admit or release these statistics? No. That sadly isn’t happening.The adoption industry peddles perfect product placement called babies to people who miscarried, some desperate to raise a child. Do they tell them babies are “blank slates” who will love them unconditionally? Yes. That does happen.
That's the difficult part but there is a person deep inside you that exists without pain. A person who you can identify with. A person who can express emotions and love despite what has happened. These circumstances are limiting. I never had my own children after living through a difficult adoption and after having every child hood dream smashed into pieces I stopped fighting and blaming and believe that nothing and no one can repair some of the damage. But life exists and to have held my own child in my arms would have been rewarding and satisfying. The out come is an echo
ReplyDeleteOf both my birth mother and adopted mother's circumstances. Both are responsible for not seeing the child. Sometimes there is time to catch the child before she or he falls into the trap. There was no need for this to have happened. My parents were together and perfectly happy when me and my twin were born but the state decided to remove us. I also lost my twin and love him more than anything in this world. Perhaps we get a second chance in another life to feel everything we missed. Perhaps the wicked will be punished. Learning right from wrong to help support life in a good way. My dear is that the contribution I could have made to this world will be like my parents, sadly missed. Many of my friends who are mother's look for my little one and there is no one there. The empty place at the table and perhaps they will understand their own arrogance and misfortune for not helping me to survive. I will not be there in the future, no little Kitty. I am a great friend and perhaps these people are not the kind of people I want my kids to grow up around. This also did not work out well for me.