So much about adoption is complicated for the adoptee. If you are like me, you may feel torn between who you think you are, who you are inside, versus how you were raised and who raised you.
I am an adoptee as readers know. What a great many adoptees have told me is they feel they lost culture when not raised in their tribe, losing parents, grandparents and the language. Even typing those words hurts. Loss is loss. Loss hurts.
This has bothered me. I think that the loss is true yet culture is not completely lost.
How? You still have the blood and that is built-in culture. (It's not erasable or removable.)
I think Native Adoptees have a different thought process that was not acknowledged or celebrated or honored when they were young. Non-Indian parents may not have appreciated how sensitive or funny or curious you were or if they did see it, they didn't say anything nice about it.
Girls who were strong tomboys like me were criticized and shy boys who were sensitive were bullied.
One thing to remember: non-Indians don't think Indian. You do. It's not their fault. We're very different in how we think.
Sit back and remember all the times as a child you made people laugh. Remember how much you loved animals. Remember what made you cry - like a sunset or sunrise. Remember how you gave thanks for life and all that is sacred, even if you were alone. Remember watching westerns on TV and rooting for the Indians?
We have a choice as an adoptee to return home and what I call "go full circle." It takes patience. It requires courage. It costs money. It demands you take time to learn and relearn and listen. This return to your culture may take years! (We still have the burden of closed adoption records in many states.)
Every culture will say it's people who carry the culture.
There is no culture better than another. That is true. But the culture of Indigenous People lives in your breath, bone and blood. If you exist, it exists.
Nothing, including adoption, can ever erase it.
Trace is the author of One Small Sacrifice and the creator of the blog American Indian Adoptees.
It takes more Than just courage, it also takes great strength to withstand the rejection and exclusion that can come along with reconnecting. As the child of a white woman who was the victim of a crime and hen later adopted by her husband, my records are firmly sealed and I cannot prove my heritage despite establishing a connection with my grandparents. Coming back to my homeland required me to learn about the unique tribal history of my people as well as their modern political, spiritual, and social landscape. With this understanding I am able to have deep compassion for the still open wounds that cause me to be rejected rather than acknowledged and embraced. Through perseverance, empathy and strength I have sustained my spirit and now have the comfort of knowing that both my ancestors and my descendants are from this tribe. My first grandchild was born a member of his tribe, something that my daughter brought full circle through the choices made by both of us. It isn't always just about us, it is about the future generations.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much for this comment.
DeleteYes, grandmother, yes. It requires a strength and comittment indeed.
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