This blog was a backup for American Indian Adopteesblog
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If you need support
Support Info: If you are a Survivor and need emotional support, a national crisis line is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week: Residential School Survivor Support Line: 1-866-925-4419. Additional Health Support Information: Emotional, cultural, and professional support services are also available to Survivors and their families through the Indian Residential Schools Resolution Health Support Program. Services can be accessed on an individual, family, or group basis.” These & regional support phone numbers are found at https://nctr.ca/contact/survivors/ .
MY EMAIL: tracelara@pm.me
I have been telling new adoptees to join the Soaring Angels group on Yahoo. It's a good idea for adoptees to get an angel to help with their search. This message is for any adoptee or birthparent or sibling who is searching. Please join them as soon as you can! Trace
Message From Babbs: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SoaringAngels/ Usually the holiday season is very busy here on Soaring Angels. The magic of the season is upon us. I urge each and everyone of you who are searching for your roots and your answers to post your info on our boards and let the angels help bring you full circle in your search. We now have over 800 members in which adoption has touched your life in some way. If you are on this group and you are searching for your birth family, mother, father, son, daughter, etc....I urge you to post your information for all the angels to see. Hopefully we will be able to reunite you with your family before this holiday passes. Post all the info that you have... Don't be shy, if you don't post, our angels can't help. Go to our website: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SoaringAngels/ - join up first. Then, in the left column, choose post, add a subject line (see below), input all your information and click send... Example: F iso BF, BM BD 12/17/1957 Columbus Ohio This translates to FEMALE in search of (iso) Birth family, Birth Mom, Birth DAD, your date of birth, and place of birth. (use this format in the subject line) Then in the body of the email put in any other pertainent info that you have on your history; NON-ID if you have it... if you do not have it, I highly urge you to obtain it, there could be a wealth of info on your birth family in there.
Happy Holidays, Babbs and your angels from Soaring Angels
Adopting out Indian children would be as destructive as a war but it would last longer: it’d last a lifetime. The adoption program idea was not officially signed like other treaties made in Indian Country. These unique adoption program records were sealed and not made public (it was acknowledged in an apology I heard in 2001- read the Ultimate Indignity in my book). The goal was adoptions would be permanent and closed, therefore adoption was used as the ultimate weapon. Native children adopted by non-Indians would be Americans and unable to open their records; and our tribal parents and grandparents were victims since they would never see us again, or be able to find us.
My close friend Adrian Grey Buffalo, a wise adoptee elder who has returned to his Sisseton Wahpeton Oyate (People) calls us adoptees the lost drums and pipes who were locked away from culture, and stored in Americans homes. We are the people who need to be repatriated back to our nations. Adrian believes now is the time. Our People need us back.
I also want you to hear my latest interviews with Jay Winter NightWolf at www.wpfw.org. Here is the link to their archive: http://www.wpfwfm.org/programming/archived-shows.html -look for my interviews on November 30 and Dec. 7 - under The NightWolf show. They are listed about a week and disappear so be quick! You can download the mp3 on their website! Trace
Click here: AMERICAN INDIAN ADOPTEES: BLOG WEEK: MY TOP 5: Kevin Ost-Vollmers and Shelise Gieseke at Land of Gazillion Adoptees Blog said Feb. 26th begins BLOG WEEK to answer this question:
Click here: AMERICAN INDIAN ADOPTEES: BLOG WEEK: MY TOP 5: Kevin Ost-Vollmers and Shelise Gieseke at Land of Gazillion Adoptees Blog said Feb. 26th begins BLOG WEEK to answer this question:
Click here: AMERICAN INDIAN ADOPTEES: BLOG WEEK: MY TOP 5: Kevin Ost-Vollmers and Shelise Gieseke at Land of Gazillion Adoptees Blog said Feb. 26th begins BLOG WEEK to answer this question:
Click here: AMERICAN INDIAN ADOPTEES: BLOG WEEK: MY TOP 5: Kevin Ost-Vollmers and Shelise Gieseke at Land of Gazillion Adoptees Blog said Feb. 26th begins BLOG WEEK to answer this question:
Click here: AMERICAN INDIAN ADOPTEES: BLOG WEEK: MY TOP 5: Kevin Ost-Vollmers and Shelise Gieseke at Land of Gazillion Adoptees Blog said Feb. 26th begins BLOG WEEK to answer this question:
Click here: AMERICAN INDIAN ADOPTEES: BLOG WEEK: MY TOP 5: Kevin Ost-Vollmers and Shelise Gieseke at Land of Gazillion Adoptees Blog said Feb. 26th begins BLOG WEEK to answer this question:
I could on for an hour about this but I won't. Fathers have rights and this time, a father got his daughter back after adoption. Hooray! Trace
Utah courts » Judge orders adoptive parents to return child to father, who is ready for new life with daughter.
By Brooke Adams, Salt Lake Tribune, Dec 03 2012 (Updated 3 hours ago)
A 4th District Court judge says he is "astonished and deeply troubled" by a Utah adoption agency’s deliberate move to circumvent the rights of a married man whose daughter was adopted at birth without his knowledge.
The Provo judge, while noting the birth mother had deceived her husband, the adoption agency and the prospective parents, has given the adoptive couple 60 days to give the child back.
A married father’s rights
While unmarried biological fathers must act to preserve their parental rights and have a limited time to do so, married fathers are presumed to have a constitutional, fundamental liberty interest in their children.
A married father “has the exact same parental rights as the mother from the get-go,” said Salt Lake attorney Scott Wiser, who with his father represents Terry Achane. “It is the same reason why any other married parent would not have to worry about filing a paternity petition or jumping through a series of legal hoops to get their kids back if a third-party like a neighbor or day-care provider decided not to return their kids.”
Unless his parental rights have been terminated for cause, the father’s consent to an adoption is required.
In his ruling in the Achane case, 4th District Judge Darold McDade called the situation painful and heartbreaking while noting previous Utah Supreme Court rulings that found that prospective adoptive parents are “legal strangers” who have no rights other than to temporarily care for the child until custody can be returned to a natural parent and that any bonding that may have occurred while they had custody is “legally irrelevant.”
In a 48-page ruling, Judge Darold McDade said the Adoption Center of Choice’s policy of refusing to disclose any information to Terry Achane once he learned what had happened to his baby is "utterly indefensible."
Salt Lake City attorneys Mark and Scott Wiser, the father/son team that represented Achane, used even stronger language for what occurred.
"This is a case of human trafficking," said Mark Wiser. "Children are being bought and sold. It is one thing what [adoption agencies] have been doing with unmarried biological fathers. It is in a new area when they are trying to take a child away from a married father who wants to have his child."
Jared and Kristi Frei, the adoptive parents, declined to comment, as did Kasey Wright, their former attorney, and Larry Jenkins, newly hired to represent the couple. James Webb, executive director of the Adoption Center of Choice, based in American Fork, did not return a call from The Salt Lake Tribune. The Tribune attempted to reach Tira Bland, the birth mother who is now divorced from Achane, but was unsuccessful.
On a blog about the case, where the Freis have raised more than $20,000 to help with legal bills, they vow to appeal McDade’s decision, describing the arrival of Achane’s daughter in their lives "a righteous desire blessed to fruition by God."
"We have not lost our conviction that we are in the right!!!!!!" Kristi Frei wrote after McDade’s Nov. 20 ruling dismissed their adoption petition. "We have only ever wanted to do right by Leah, and have always felt we have been acting in her best interest to keep her with our family and raise her as our own. Our hearts have demanded it — there has never been any question to us that she is OURS!!!"
Achane, 31, still finds the position he is in hard to believe and just wants the baby girl he has met just twice and calls Teleah, the name he picked out before her birth, back.
"I am not a very religious person," he said in an interview Friday, "but ‘Thou shalt not steal.’ If they prolong it, that is more time away from my daughter. There are precious moments I can’t get back. ... It has been a year and a half now. There is no court order saying they have the right to my child. I just won the case. I want to get my daughter and raise my daughter."
Texas marriage •
Achane and Bland, both then residents of Texas, married in February 2009 and learned around late June 2010 that Bland was expecting their first child. Achane, who is in the U.S. Army, accompanied his wife to prenatal visits and was there when an ultrasound revealed they were having a girl. They shared a joint bank account and Achane carried Bland and her daughter from a previous relationship on his military health insurance, which he also expected would cover the new baby.
The Tribal ICWA (Indian Child Welfare Act) Directors in South Dakota, working with Lakota People's Law Project, prepared a report assessing the facts put forth in Laura Sullivan's NPR expose "Reviewing the Facts: An Assessment of the Accuracy of NPR's 'Native Foster Care: Lost Children, Shattered Families'". In this meeting, they vote to approve it and send it on to the Tribal Councils, and then on to Congress.
I am posting this comment to ask you the question: What happened in your reunion and would be willing to leave a comment or write me about it? We are in a place spiritually where answers are as important as reunions. Some of us may find wonderful relatives and others won't. There is no manual for reunions. There are few options other than go and meet. Please read this. I'd like to hear about your reunion with tribal relatives. Trace
I am an adoptee and found my birthmother some 25 years ago (give or take). It went fabulously well to begin with but turned very sour after a while. Why? I don't know. She made things up about me that the rest of the family chose to believe. Not much i could do about it. While she would not tell me a thing about my birthfather, it did get back to me that he is half Cherokee. I have researched the name given me but it is a huge family and I have had no luck. On top of that, he has no knowledge she was even pregnant.
I founded and lead a search and support group and have facilitated in many reunions, some went wonderfully, some not so much, but in the end all were good because answers were given. The amputated roots began to heal as did the gaping holes we all felt inside. I feel I will never know my true heritage or at least half of it and for this I hold her solely responsible. It is the epitome of selfish to intentionally hide a child's heritage from them, especially after a long and protracted search.Mine was particularly difficult.
For all of those searching out there, never give up! The answers you get, no matter how dark on the surface, are much better than one at all. I wish everyone the very best in their quest!
This weekend the White Earth Nation is celebrating the return of children lost for years. Hundreds of American Indian children were taken from Minnesota reservations and adopted by non-Indian families in the 1950s and 60s. The White Earth Aniishinabe are the first tribe in the country to formally welcome the adoptees home.
White Earth Nation, Minnesota — It's difficult to know how many American Indian children were adopted by white families in the 1950s and 60s, because records are sketchy at best. White Earth Tribal Chair Erma Vizenor believes about 25 percent of the children on her reservation were adopted by non-Indian parents. Vizenor recently met one of those children when she stopped for gas on the way home from work. A young woman recognized the tribal leader and asked for help finding her family.
"It's about healing and learning how to be in balance and understanding who we are."
- Sandy Whitehawk
"She said, 'Did you know my mom?' I said, 'Of course I did. I knew your mom. She's not living anymore.' 'Oh,' she said, 'What was she like?' I said, 'Your mother was a bubbly happy person.'" After a reflective pause, Vizenor continues the story. "I knew her mom. I went to high school with her. She had a baby. The baby was just taken away. (She was told) 'You have no option. This is what's best for your baby.' She couldn't bring her baby home," recalls Vizenor. Indian babies were put up for adoption for many reasons. Poverty and alcohol caused some mothers to give up their children. But there was also a government policy of assimilation designed to make Indians forget about their culture and history. Many Indian women were told adoption was the only option. Adoption programs sponsored by church groups were facilitated by local, state, and federal government agencies. It's likely hundreds of American Indian children born in Minnesota were adopted by families across the country. The practice continued until Congress passed the Indian Child Welfare Act in 1978, giving tribes more control over adoptions.
Hearing from some of those adoptees prompted White Earth Tribal Chair Erma Vizenor to support a welcome home ceremony for those who want to reconnect with their tribal culture. The idea came from Sandy Whitehawk, who runs a small non profit in Minneapolis that tries to help American Indian adoptees find their families. Whitehawk is driven by her own story. Born on the Rosebud reservation in South Dakota, she was sent to live with a white family when she 18 months old. Growing up in a mostly white small town, she was encouraged to forget her birthplace. "Don't grow up to be a good for nothing Indian. You're just going to be a drunken Indian like your mother. Those were things I heard all the time," says Whitehawk. After struggling for years with substance abuse, Whitehawk realized she needed to understand where she came from, so at age 35, she made her first trip back to the reservation where she was born. "The very first thing I noticed when I went on the reservation was that I finally looked like someone else," remembers Whitehawk. "I noticed I was more relaxed. There's something you can't put words to, to walk on your homeland where you know your relatives feet have also touched. That's healing, because it's where you began."
Sandy Whitehawk learned she was one of nine children. Seven were put up for adoption. She's reunited with some of her siblings, as well as aunts, uncles and cousins. Many American Indian families were scattered with the wind. Some children were raised in affluent homes, afforded privilege their birth parents could never provide, but others found less charitable situations, essentially becoming indentured servants. Whatever their adoption experience, in recent years many have found their way back to the reservation. Some have stayed and become enrolled tribal members. Reclaiming that tribal identity can be a challenge. Adoptees don't have birth certificates in some cases, others have altered adoption documents, making it difficult to prove their family connections. Sandy Whitehawk says most are following a simple urge to understand who they are.
"We're not about bashing white parents. We're not about bashing good foster parents," says Whitehawk. "It's about bringing out hard times that we may need to talk about, but more than anything it's about healing and learning how to be in balance and understanding who we are." Reconnecting with family and culture might not be as easy as a trip to the reservation. White Earth elder Joe Bush gets calls every week from adoptees trying to find their birth family. They call him because he carries generations of family history in his head. He knows from experience that coming home is the first step down a long path. "There's going to be a lot of fear, a lot of resentment and a lot of joy. It's going to be hard for some of them, but we're going to welcome these adoptees that went out, adopt them back home, says Bush. "Coming back home. Nigiiwe, I'm going home." White Earth officials don't know how many people to expect at the welcome home gathering, but they're hopeful the formal recognition of a sad chapter in their history will be a model for other American Indian tribes across the country.
White Earth was the first. Maine has a new Truth and Reconciliation Commission that includes adoptees. When will other tribes convene and do this? It's up to us to ask them... The idea is now spreading we need to write the Senate and Congress as a large group and ask for Congressional Hearings to let them know adoptees are still struggling after the Holocaust of the Indian Adoption Projects.. We need our records open so we can find our families and tribes. Email me if you'd like to add your name to the letters we send... Trace (tracedemeyer@yahoo.com)
I offer this as the last entry in National Adoption Awareness Month (NAAM)- adoption failures and breakdown do happen - read about it:
Post-adoption depression
By ADRIANA BARTON
VANCOUVER — From Tuesday’s Globe and Mail, Tuesday, Jun. 09, 2009
The minute she laid eyes on her adopted son, a seven-month-old Guatemalan boy, Michelle Brau knew something was wrong, she says. Instead of joy, she felt dread. Instead of wanting to comfort the infant, she found herself not wanting him at all. The negative emotions blindsided her, Ms. Brau says. She and her husband, Jim, had yearned to adopt and add to their family of four biological kids. “I love children,” says Ms. Brau, who lives in Springville, Utah. But she couldn’t bring herself to love her healthy new son, nor a second boy, aged 2, whom the couple adopted from Guatemala months later. Ms. Brau says she assumed her affection for them would grow with time. For more than five years, however, she avoided their hugs and was more strict with them than with her other children, she recalls. Consumed by guilt and shame, she told no one about her inability to bond with the adopted boys. “I felt like a monster,” she says. “I longed to be dead.” When she finally confided in her husband six months ago, he did some research online and concluded she had post-adoption depression, a condition being studied by researchers but not yet recognized as a psychiatric disorder. According to adoption professionals, post-adoption depression can range in severity from a few weeks of the blues to a major depression that lasts months or longer. Like postpartum depression, it may bring intense feelings of anxiety and guilt, fantasies of running away, and suicidal thoughts. Ms. Brau consulted two therapists, she says, but her feelings of desperation did not change. So this spring - nearly six years after they adopted the Guatemalan children - the Braus contacted an agency to find them a new adoptive home. “These boys deserve so much more than I can give them,” Ms. Brau says, adding that her depression has lifted since the adoption was dissolved last month. “I feel like me again.” The Braus’ case may be extreme but the potential consequences of post-adoption depression are recognized by a growing number of adoption professionals. Left untreated, it can lead to the breakdown of the adoption, says Brenda McCreight, an adoption counsellor in Nanaimo, B.C. “I’ve seen it break up marriages too.” Post-adoption depression didn’t have a name until 15 years ago, and it remains a new area of research. Early studies suggest it’s “as prevalent, or more so, than postpartum depression,” says Karen Foli, who co-authored The Post-Adoption Blues with her husband John Thompson, a child psychiatrist. A study published last month in the peer-reviewed Journal of Affective Disorders found the rate of depression in women after adoption was about 15 percent - the same rate found in women who have given birth. Dr. Foli, a professor of nursing at PurdueUniversity in WestLafayette, Ind., is partway through a study to assess whether the tools used to diagnose postpartum depression are valid to screen forpost-adoption depression. Unlike mothers with postpartum depression, who have a biological explanation for their bleak mood, adoptive mothers cannot attribute their depression to a sudden drop in estrogen levels (although some researchers suggest that nurturing an adopted child may trigger hormonal changes). “We desperately need to understand it more,” she says. The syndrome appears to be more common in women than in men, Dr. Foli says, since women tend to be the primary caregivers. Stress, sleep deprivation, lack of social support and a history of depression can put women at greater risk for post-adoption depression, according to experts in the field. Also, many adoptive mothers have no parenting experience, notes Sandra Scarth, president of the Adoption Council of Canada. For a career woman who has enjoyed years of freedom, the demands of parenting can be a shock, especially if the child isn’t attaching to her well. “Suddenly she’s home all day with a child who really doesn’t like her very much,” Ms. Scarth explains. When depression strikes, adoptive mothers are often secretive about it. They feel pressure from family and friends to rejoice in the child they brought home after years of waiting, often at huge expense. Most are reluctant to seek help from social workers, fearing the child may be taken away - an unlikely event, according to Dr. McCreight. Nevertheless, an estimated 11 to 18 per cent of adoptions break down for various reasons during the probationary period (usually at least six months), according to American researchers, and about 2 per cent of adoptive families cannot cope after the adoption is finalized. In both cases, the child returns to child-welfare authorities and may be readopted. As awareness of post-adoption depression grows, some agencies are addressing the syndrome in their pre-adoption training sessions. But people who long for children tend to believe it won’t happen to them, says Dr. McCreight, who has adopted 12 times. “We think we’re going to be the most wonderful parents and we’re going to form a family identity with no problem - and that’s not going to happen.” The expectation of “falling in love” with a child at first sight may be unrealistic, according to Dr. Foli, since most relationships take time to blossom and mature. But the guilt of not bonding with a child immediately can be “overwhelming,” says Dr. Foli, who coped with depression after she adopted her daughter from India about 10 years ago. For Dina Rodrigues, post-adoption guilt cut deep. She sank into melancholy and began to feel “really run down” a month after she brought her 11-month-old daughter, Sierra, home from China, she says. Ms. Rodrigues had no problem caring for her daughter’s physical needs, she recalls, but she worried she wasn’t connecting with her emotionally. “It’s like you have this amazing, wonderful child and you can’t really enjoy them,” says Ms. Rodrigues, who lives in a suburb of Detroit. Her anxiety intensified when her husband, Ashok, bonded with Sierra easily. “I just felt there was something wrong with me,” she says. Having suffered from depression earlier in life, Ms. Rodrigues says, she recognized the signs. Five months after the adoption, she saw a therapist and started taking anti-depressants “for my daughter’s sake.” When a parent gets depressed, it doesn’t mean the adoption has failed, says Dr. McCreight. “It just means that you should get help, get it fixed and move on as a family.” Major depression requires prescription medication, she says. As well, a post-adoption counsellor can help parents find ways to get child care and emotional support. After Ms. Rodrigues began treatment, her daughter fell ill with a stomach virus and wanted to be held by her day and night. The event marked a turning point in their relationship, Ms. Rodrigues says. “I was able to be emotionally there for her, and I think she saw that.” That was two years ago, she adds, and they’ve had a close connection ever since. *** Warning signs:Experts say post-adoption depression shares symptoms with postpartum depression: Feeling sad, tearful, irritable Self-imposed isolation from family, friends, spouse Anger at the adopted child, spouse or other children for no apparent reason Desire to leave home or have the adopted child removed Loss of interest or pleasure in most activities Significant changes in appetite and sex drive Insomnia or a marked increase in sleep Fatigue, lack of energy Feelings of worthlessness or guilt Thoughts of suicide
Many adoptees struggle with displacement, loss and powerlessness, writes Esther Han
Stunned by the truth … intercountry adoptee Kim Myung-Soo as a baby with her older sister in Korea. Photo: Steven Siewert
UNTIL she was in her late 20s, Kim Myung-Soo believed she was put up for adoption because she was born out of wedlock to South Korean factory workers. She was four when an Australian couple picked her up from Seoul and brought her up in rural NSW. But when the 30-year-old from Canterbury was reunited with her birth mother in Seoul, she was stunned by the truth. Her parents had been married, did not work in a factory, and her real name was altered to Myung-Joo. She learnt her mother was forced to relinquish her in order to remarry after her father had died. Single mothers are shunned in Korean society. "Most of the Korean adoptees I know have confronted problems in the search for their family," said the social work student. "Half records, false information, whole files missing. Could be something big, something small, but it's nearly a given something will be incorrect." They claim many intercountry adoptions were also characterised by lack of freely given consent, deception and coercion, and that the government failed to prevent overseas children being removed in conditions it was opposed to in Australia. Academics from nine Australian universities have written to the government's apology reference group, urging it to consider the growing research that shows the "loss and pain [suffered by overseas birth mothers] is at least equal to that of mothers in Australia". Adoptees from countries including New Zealand, the US and South Korea have also sent a letter demanding an apology, saying as intercountry adoptees they "have also suffered similar hardships … including displaced belonging, disempowerment in relation to access to adoption information and their identity, and a profound sense of loss". The dean of graduate research at RMIT, Denise Cuthbert, said international studies showed birth mothers were often separated from their children because they were single, widowed, divorced or poor. "The federal government failed to satisfy itself that women in sending countries were relinquishing their children with free consent in a way it now insists Australian women do," Professor Cuthbert said. "No immigration can take place without the Commonwealth so they have direct involvement.'' More than 10,000 children have been adopted into Australia since the 1970s from countries such as China, Ethiopia and the Philippines. Of the 384 adoptions of children in 2010-11, 56 per cent involved overseas children. South Korea has sent 2282 children to Australian parents since 1987, making it one of the top countries of origin. Korean adoptee HeeRa Heaser signed both protest letters. "A 2005 government committee report showed that domestic adoption decreased when intercountry adoption occurred. It recognises the two are interconnected," she said. A spokesman from the Attorney-General's Department said the apology reference group was focusing on "past adoption policies and practices specifically in Australia''. The department said that, as a signatory of the Hague Convention, it would adhere to international standards for intercountry adoptions, which includes measures to prevent the abduction of, sale of or traffic in children. Kim Myung-Soo is one of more than 200,000 Koreans adopted overseas since the Korean War armistice in 1953. While she believes recognition of intercountry adoption in a formal apology is a good first step, she is not convinced "lumping it" with domestic adoption is the best option. "Including intercountry adoption is not going to reflect the complexities of two different cultures, two different historical contexts and two different lived experiences," she said. Last month a 24-year-old Korean from Sydney filed a complaint to the Attorney-General after she learnt her adoption was unlawful. Her record showed her parents were unwed but her birth mother was told by a midwife she was stillborn.
I’ve been to pow wows before, but this one was different. The entrance read, “Gathering for our Children and Returning Adoptees.” The annual powwow is in its ninth year at the Minneapolis American Indian Center, and is a collaboration between the Department of Human Services, Hennepin County ICWA Unit’s Tina Knafala and Jacque Wilson as well as my Aunt Sandy White Hawk, Director of the First Nations Repatriation Institute. The goal is to reconnect adoptees with their families and culture as well as raise awareness of the need for Native foster/adoptive homes. My heart smiled seeing my Auntie and cousins. For the last several years I’d been on a quest to find the rest of my Lakota family. My mom had largely given up; then again you could say she never really tried. “They’re like strangers to me. They’re not family. My adoptive family is my real family.” “Why can’t we have both?” I countered. “I don’t know! Quit asking!” The unknown is scary for my mom. My family history follows a common theme in Indian country: assimilation. My mom was one of 9 children born to my Sicangu Lakota grandmother, Nina Lulu White Hawk on the Rosebud Sioux Reservation. Before the protections of the Indian Child Welfare Act (ICWA), social workers broke into my grandmother’s house when she wasn’t home, stole her children and flung them to the winds. Grandma Nina’s only crime was lack of an indoor toilet. My mom and three of her siblings were placed in an orphanage in Nebraska. Mom recalls being locked in the closet at the orphanage without food or water. When she was sleeping, a social worker stole her stuffed kitten and chucked it into the dumpster because it was a reminder of her previous life. A white family finally adopted my mom and three of her siblings with the command, “Forget your mother. We are your only family now.” They were raised in Custer County, Nebraska, where they were the only Indians except for the school mascot. None of us were allowed to be Native growing up. My adoptive grandparents painstakingly attempted to hide our biological family from us, but over the years we were able to connect with many of our relatives thanks to Aunt Deb. This year at the annual Rosebud wacipi, I was finally able to meet my mom’s biological sister, Aunt Sandy. And despite my adoptive grandparents’ misguided beliefs that all Native Americans are alcoholic, suicidal, drug abusers, I am immensely proud to be Lakota. At the Pow Wow I hopped down the bleachers filled with a couple hundred onlookers to join the circle of returning adoptees preparing for the healing ceremony. Suddenly I felt a knot in my throat growing. “Crap,” I thought. “I’m going to cry before the ceremony even starts.” I was there representing my 52-year-old mom, who had refused to come despite my every attempt. Sage smoke filled the air. I stood with the other adoptees in a circle, surrounded by a ring of jingle dress dancers followed by a ring of veterans. I gazed across the group to see a visibly distraught woman tightly clutching her shawl and choking back sobs. Her eyes were swollen and red from crying. The drum group started to sing a healing song. The jingle dress dancers began their sacred footwork, waving their eagle feather fans over us. They swayed and dipped. Tingles shot down my spine with every fan that touched my shoulders. Then I lost it. Tears flowed uncontrollably. Every tear represented a moment I felt lost, afraid, angry, frustrated, empty, and confused. Every tear burning down my cheek screamed at those who thought taking us from our family was in our “best interest.” I felt the anger boil up from all the hurtful comments about Natives my adoptive family has said over the years, laughing at me for making regalia. The rage spilled out as I recalled my adoptive Aunt Lila’s comments last month that the “poor, pitiful Indians” still needed saving. But I was comforted by the swish of the jingles mimicking the sound of water, the sound of healing. And slowly my emotional burden started to fade. As the tears fell to the ground, I felt lighter. When the singing stopped, I felt a sense of renewal. Crying is medicine. After the ceremony, we gathered upstairs for an adoptee talking circle. We each reflected on our experience. Several adoptees commented the powwow was unlike any other they’d been to. Even though so many of our Native children were lost through adoption, many tribes don’t yet have a powwow or ceremony to acknowledge their return. But the adoptees felt welcome at Aunt Sandy’s powwow; they felt like they were finally coming home to a community. One older man commented he felt the gaping, empty hole inside him start to fill up to form a complete person. Throughout the powwow, I filmed my Aunt Sandy and cousins Dyani, John, and Alicia to familiarize my mom with our biological family and ease her fears. Next year I hope she’ll join us at the powwow, especially for the end of the ceremony when community members streamed down to shake our hands and said with a warm embrace, “Welcome home.” Racheal White Hawk Strong, enrolled Rosebud Sioux Tribal Member, is the administrative secretary at Nebraska Commission on Indian Affairs, a Native Daughters graduate student and a former Fulbright Scholar to China.
“Two Worlds: Lost Children of the Indian Adoption Projects and Some of the Many Re-Connections”
with Author and Award-Winning Native Journalist Trace A. DeMeyer (Shawnee/Cherokee) who will talk about her Second Book (Co-Edited with Patricia Cotter-Busbee)
From the preface of “Two Worlds: Lost Children of the Indian Adoption Projects"
“It’s a big world. With the invention of miraculous worldwide web, connecting is fast and free. Humans can interact at the touch of a key. Because of the internet, it connects me to a new people every day, new friends who are also adopted.
In this big world, where do adoptees go to find information? How do we reconnect with our tribes after adoption? How do we learn about culture? Do we find adoptees to get advice? Do we devour and search books, newspapers, or the web for clues? Or do we hear someone, an ancient voice, a soul who lives with us, inside us, who guides us, even inspire us, after adoption.
Reading this book, you’ll know the answers.
In their words, adoptees were destined to live in two worlds, and each has a spirit uniquely their own. We adoptees are like birds who migrate by memory and feed our hunger for culture by instinct and blood memory. Our spirit was not killed by adoption, even if we lived far away from our families and our tribal lands. We knew to be brave. We hoped away loneliness. We felt this was a test. We knew it is not good to be isolated and went to look for other Indian people and relatives when we could. Even as children we were aware we’d need to find answers to find our relatives. More than one adoptee told me they heard the drum pounding inside them and calling them.”
The Indian Child Welfare Act at 30 is available on Amazon.com
By Trace A. DeMeyer We must understand history to see where we've been and where we are today to face the future.
The effects on STOLEN GENERATIONS are still being felt in 2012. In Indian Country, Native adoptees are still called Lost Birds or Split Feathers or Lost Ones. Many adult adoptees are still lost to their families and tribal nations. A lost child will remain lost with sealed adoption records. Today's legislators and lawmakers obviously do not know or recognize the crimes committed against Indian people that still affect us.
As I discussed in my books, many children were stolen, literally abducted. This was legal since it was done with the government's approval, programs and funding. Those social workers who drove to reservations and snatched children were never charged with kidnapping. Some siblings were taken but then split up in foster care and later adoptions. How did this serve the children? It didn't.
Some Native mothers were pressured in hospitals to give up their newborn babies to social workers (some were nurses and nuns) trained in mental humiliation. These heartless individuals were not criminally prosecuted for coercion or harassment of these mothers. We could ask why these Indian mothers were not offered financial assistance instead to keep and raise their own child. The adoption agencies (run by states and various religions) and social workers were paid to place untold numbers of Indian Children and made their careers and money doing it. They were not there to help Indian mothers; they were there to get the baby. This is how pure greed took over their adoption practices. Social workers worked like Mafia to get what they needed. Long lists of people wanted to adopt and the Adoption Mafia had to fill their orders with new babies, no matter what. Great crimes against Indian people, first taking land then children, went on for centuries and tribes were losing. After years of trying to stop it, finally in 1976, Indian leaders went to Congress and told them what was happening to their children which lead to the passage of the Indian Child Welfare Act of 1978. There was never prosecution of the real criminals.No one will deny that some Indian reservations are places of great poverty, a condition they didn't create but one they were forced to adapt to and survive. Even today it's a struggle but Indian people have retained some of their ceremonies, languages and cultures on these reservations and they want future generations to retain this. They want their children to live their culture. Finally, I ask those people who adopted us, did you have any idea what was happening to Indian people and their children? Did you know about the wholesale removals of Indian Children now described accurately as cultural genocide? Did you even inquire as to why this baby or child was given up? Did you investigate or ask to meet with our parents? What did the adoption industry or social workers say to you about this? Were you complicit and aware of the adoption industry's Indian Adoption projects and programs?
These are real crimes and atrocities against Indian People yet no one involved has been charged or put in prison?
When details of the Indian Adoption Projects were sealed and files were closed after adoptions, a child would not have his/her name or tribal identity anymore, with their birth certificate altered and falsified. Tribal membership might exist for some adoptees on paper but with secrecy and sealed files, the adult adoptee would never know or be able to find out. It appears that was the plan. Until adoption records are opened and Native adoptees know their family name and tribe, a crime is still being committed.When adoptees do return to their tribes, some find rejection. Why? Adoption changed us. We do not know our language or know our history or culture because adoption erased it. That is not an adoptees fault yet no one is ever charged with the crime of forced assimilation via closed adoption?
Today there are non-Indians lobbying to end the Indian Child Welfare Act. This group of non-Indians feels they will be better parents to Indian children. They want no restrictions in order to adopt Indian children. Their attempt to change federal law must not happen. Indians must stand together to prevent this group from the only law that protects children from the Adoption Mafia.
(I will be on Jay Winter Night Wolf's Radio Program on Nov. 30, at 7 pm (Eastern Time). Listen in at http://www.wpfwfm.org)
Note: I will be taking a break from blogging. If you'd like to write a post, please email me: tracedemeyer@yahoo.com
I think of this important documentary LOST SPARROW all the time and wanted to share the links with you again. The earlier review I wrote is on this blog here and I've included it in the new book TWO WORLDS: Lost Children of the Indian Adoption Projects.
Four Native American children adopted by the Billing family
On November 16, 2010, the documentary “Lost Sparrow” premiered on PBS Independent Lens. Based on a true incident in 1978, two Crow Indian brothers (both adoptees) ran away from home and were found dead on railroad tracks the next day.
Chris Billing’s film takes a closer look at what killed these two boys and what truth shattered his entire family.
The filmmaker is one of four biological children. His parents adopted six, with four of them from the Crow tribe. Billing was 16 when the boys died. The family buries them in New York and moves on with their lives. His parents eventually divorce.
The filmmaker narrates how his little brothers Bobby (13) and Tyler (11) were trying to help their sister Lana (also Crow). Lana told her brothers she was being sexually molested by their adoptive father.
During National Adoption Awareness Week, SBS speaks to three Ethiopian Australians who were adopted under the recently closed Ethiopia-Australia Intercountry Adoption Program.
When she was just eight, Hamelmal left her home in Ethiopia to come to Australia with her two younger brothers. She and her siblings were to start a new life far from their birth town of Addis Ababa. Their mother could no longer look after them.
“My father had passed away and he was the main provider; so my mother gave us up because she had seven kids and she would have been quite young - about my age now,” says Hamelmal, now 25. “She was from the countryside so she had no education whatsoever; she couldn’t read, write or work to provide for us.” Hamelmal was among the first children to come to Australia in the mid 90s through the Ethiopia-Australia adoption program. Now a primary school teacher in Queensland, she says she’d always assumed adoption would be a part of her own future.
“It worked for our family and is something I’d always thought I would do; since I was little I wanted to adopt children from everywhere,” she says.
But in June this year, the Australian Government announced the closure of its adoption program with Ethiopia, saying it had long been one of the most difficult inter-country programs to manage. The adoption environment in Ethiopia has become increasingly “turbulent and unpredictable,” it says. Program costs are rising, and according to Attorney General Nicola Roxon, there are now more opportunities for children to find alternative care within Ethiopia itself.
The Ethiopia program was Australia’s fourth largest inter-country adoption program, after China, the Philippines and Thailand. It was the only program with an African country and has seen 621 Ethiopian children join Australian families since it began in 1990.
Adoption groups and hopeful families, some who had been waiting 10 years to form a family through the program, say the government has abandoned them, and Ethiopian children too quickly. But it’s not only prospective parents who are upset by the closure.
“I think it’s stupid to be honest. Yes, there may be issues with certain families where adoption didn’t work out, but what family’s perfect? You can have your own biological child but then, how many children with families are in the foster system here? I think it’s really not a fair call for them to make,” says Hamelmal.
Halmelmal has been back to Ethiopia eight times since she left as a child. Her birth mother died not long after she arrived in Australia but she says her ties with her culture and her family in Ethiopia are as strong as ever.
ALEMAYEHU’S STORY
Alemayehu came to Australia as an 11-year-old boy, having lost both his parents in Ethiopia. He remembers his father was taken away as a political prisoner when the Mengistu government was overthrown at the end of the Ethiopian civil war. He became ill in prison and some months after his death, Alemayehu’s mother died from pneumonia. They left behind three young children and their 19-year-old sister, Bizunesh.
“My older sister was unable to look after me, and my brother and sister - so she had no choice but to put us up for adoption which is one of the best things she’s done for us,” Says Alemayehu.
“I’m one hundred per cent sure that she didn’t want to do it, but she was just being a mother to us and saying, ‘I can’t take care of three kids on my own’ and she needed help!”Alemayehu’s younger siblings, Eleni and Sisay, were adopted first by a couple from Sydney. He would join them two years later, adopted into the extended family of that couple’s brother and sister in law. When he turned 18, he sponsored Bizunesh to live in Australia with them.
Today, at 26, Alemayehu is trying to decide on a name for his new business – a hairdressing salon. “I’m thinking ‘Al-fros,” he says.
“I never imagined I’d be grown up and about to have my own business - when I think about it, it’s just like a miracle that’s happened.”
Alemayehu has been back to Ethiopia twice with his Australian family and says there are still many children in need in his birth country.
“The first time I went back it was just very confronting; I had no memory of seeing people struggle and begging on the streets. You still see a lot of poverty and you still see a lot of kids running around by themselves and they don’t really have an older person looking after them; you see a lot of kids begging for food or money,” says Alemayehu.
Like Hamelmal, Alemayehu always thought he would adopt children of his own one day.
“I definitely would because I know how those kids feel having to wait for someone to come and give them a home, to give them a life where they can be happy and grow up and be educated,” he says.
KALKIDAN’S STORY
One of the reasons the Attorney General has given for the closure is that the Australian government cannot be sure that children put up for adoption in Ethiopia are truly orphans. Something 19-year-old Kalkidan Forward says she finds especially hurtful.
“I think the biggest issue for me was that if they were questioning the legitimacy of some of the adoptions - my siblings and I kind-of started questioning the legitimacy of our own adoption.
Maybe there was something wrong with us,” says Kalkidan. “Were those reasons the same 15 years ago? I don’t understand how you can say that now and not question the hundreds of people that have been adopted already.”Kalkidan was adopted by her Australian family when she was three, together with her then two-year-old brother. After finishing high school in Perth last year, she travelled to Ethiopia by herself to spend nine months working in orphanages.
“I was just shocked to see the overwhelming number of children that had no homes; there were just so many kids there that just needed the opportunity that I had been given.”
She says the situation for many children in Ethiopia now is not so different from her own, when her mother approached an orphanage to care for her as a baby.
“My mother was only 16 … and it was just very, very poor conditions in Ethiopia, like no one was surviving and most of her siblings and family members had been dying from HIV Aids. She didn’t have any support so she put us up for adoption,” she says.
“Then when I was in year five, we went back to Ethiopia and we visited my mum and found that she had another son, Abraham, and she asked us to adopt him as well. By the time we did adopt Abraham, she had contracted the virus herself.”
For Kalkidan, the benefits of adoption for her family were many. She says she feels privileged to have had a life she “would never ever have dreamed of in Ethiopia” and she cannot understand the government’s reasons for closing the program now.
Source: SBS
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To Veronica Brown
Veronica, we adult adoptees are thinking of you today and every day. We will be here when you need us. Your journey in the adopted life has begun, nothing can revoke that now, the damage cannot be undone. Be courageous, you have what no adoptee before you has had; a strong group of adult adoptees who know your story, who are behind you and will always be so.
OUR HISTORY
BOOK 5: Lost Children of the Indian Adoption Projects