There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of Ronnie Brown

This commentary from Haskell News from July is worth sharing. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of Ronnie Brown. Not a day goes by that I don't imagine her confusion at her circumstances.  Not a day goes by that I don't think about other Native American parents who had their child (or children) ripped from them. We can see that we have not moved forward in our thinking but seem to headed backwards to those heinous days of Indian Child removals. Yes, the Indian Child Welfare Act didn't have enough teeth to stop the Capobiancos or their lawyers or the courts who threw Ronnie under the bus and removed her from her own father. This blog is about education and history. This blog is about CHANGE. I thank you all for reading... Trace

 

The Indian Child Welfare act of 1978 was meant to stop what is now happening to Dusten and Veronica Brown.

The Veronica Brown custody case should make all Native Americans take a pause and wonder if The Indian Child Welfare Act is indeed worth it's weight in salt or is it slipping through the hands of the ones it is meant to protect: Native American children.

As with anything in the law it is only valid if it is being obeyed and understood and applied, it appears the courts are struggling with all of those issues. The Indian Child Welfare act of 1978 was meant to stop what is now happening to Dusten and Veronica (Ronnie) Brown.

In a nutshell Veronica is now living with her biological father, Dustin, and has been for almost two years now, she would have been living with him longer had the attorneys for the adoptive couple (Matt and Melanie Capobianco ) and Veronica's biological mother not lied about Dusten's personal information in order to keep the courts from knowing that Dusten and his daughter are both registered members of The Cherokee Nation in Tahlequah, OK.

The pre-adoptive couple Matt and Melanie Capobianco, a white couple who raised Veronica for 27 months before The South Carolina courts ruled in favor of Mr. Brown. The child, now nearly 4, has been living with Mr. Brown in Oklahoma for almost two years. The state courts found that both the Capobianco family and Mr. Brown had provided the girl with safe, loving homes.

The problem is that Veronica was returned to her biological father, yet, the Capobianco's who have not had Veronica in their custody for almost two years and are in no way related to her are still fighting to regain custody of her.

If The Indian Child Welfare Act is not going to protect this child and it appears it is not, one has to wonder if the Capobianco's really love Veronica , or are they just out to win a case that has went all the way up to the U.S. Supreme Court ? It seems that if they truly love her they would walk away and leave her with her biological family. There are many other children needing good adoptive homes probably some right there in South Carolina who are not Native American.

The long and short of this is NOW is the time for Native American tribes, parents and other supportive groups to stand up and say no more, no more will Native American child be lost in a system taken from their parents and given to white folks.

All tribes need to come together now and help Dusten Brown, by doing so they will be helping their own tribal children and The Indian Child Welfare Act of 1978 needs to become stronger and obeyed in every court room in this United States.

Keep up your fight Mr. Brown our prayers go with you. 
haskellnews commentary 7/31/2013
Source: http://www2.ljworld.com/weblogs/haskellnews/tags/matt-and-melanie-capobianco/

As my blogger friend Von wrote here: "Veronica, we adult adoptees are thinking of you today and every day. We will be here when you need us. Your journey in the adopted life has begun, nothing can revoke that now, the damage cannot be undone. Be courageous, you have what no adoptee before you has had; a strong group of adult adoptees who know your story, who are behind you and will always be so."

The Unfinished Dream

DaShanneStokes

DaShanne (pronounced Duh-Shane) was born in 1978, in Racine, WI, to a teenage mother and raised in Las Vegas, NV, without knowing he was adopted.

As a child, DaShanne was raised being told he had Lakota ancestry, and he began embracing his heritage as a source of strength and direction while still in grade school. Despite an upbringing marked by racism, poverty, abuse, trauma, and neglect, DaShanne flourished academically. He began writing at the age of eleven, was a delegate to Nevada Boys' State in 1995, became an Eagle Scout, and went on to study at Boston University in 1996.

As a student at Boston University, DaShanne faced being thrown out of his dorm for "smudging," the burning of a small amount of sage or sweetgrass that is a traditional part of many Native American spiritual practices. These experiences of institutionalized discrimination and attacks on his religious freedom prompted him to move to South Dakota to be closer to his Lakota culture.

For many years, DaShanne had no knowledge of the whereabouts of the man he was raised to believe was his biological father. In 1998, however, he managed to reconnect with his long-lost father in an attempt to become an enrolled member of his tribe. Shortly after their reunion, however, DaShanne discovered by accident that he was adopted -- and that his family, culture, and spirituality were not his.

This plunged DaShanne into a deep personal crisis, but after much soul-searching he discovered that his family, culture, and who he was had never changed. With this newfound direction, he founded and managed his own company, Indigenous Creations (2001-2003), before changing direction to pursue a career as a scholar and writer. As a graduate student, he also went on to found and direct Religious Freedom with Raptors (2005-2008), a political interest group dedicated to reforming the U.S. eagle feather law in order to protect individual and tribal rights to religious freedom.

DaShanne received his B.S. from the University of South Dakota in biology, a master's from Boston University in psychology, a second master's from Minnesota State University in sociology, and is now completing his doctorate in sociology at the University of Pittsburgh. He is also currently completing the final draft of Recomposition, his second book and memoir.

We're excited to announce the publication of his new book, The Unfinished Dream: A Discussion on Rights, Equality, and Inclusivity. 

You can get it for free at: http://bit.ly/1850buc

He is also writing a memoir!

RECOMPOSITION: A MEMOIR

Recomposition is a bittersweet recounting of a life transformed. It tells the story of how a young boy and his mother struggled to survive the exploits of his step-father  --  a man who taught the family about unity and responsibility through Kwanzaa, yet turned into a drug-abusing adulterer and stalker. It tells of overcoming discrimination, fighting for religious freedom, and finding love, laughs, and magic in the midst of death and disaster. And it follows the author's experiences with being caught between being Native American and white, only to accidentally discover that his family, culture, and religion weren't his. An unflinching story of survival and change, Recomposition is about learning that what makes us who we are is not what we think.

Find out more at his WEBSITE

DaShanne published an article entitled "Rights vs. Identity: Divisions Run Deep Over Hickory Ground" in Indian Country Today.

"Inversion" (please read my friend Daniel's blog)

What if I make every effort to help my child through their grief?

Posted on November 18, 2013 by Daniel Ibn Zayd

This is the 18th question in the series: “Anti-adoption month: 30 answers to 30 questions on adoption” [link].

The following reply was posted to a blog whose author doesn’t seem to mind the pain and loss adoption would bring to her adopted child as well as to her family:

I do want to be as prepared as possible to help my child grieve and empathize with his or her loss. I know that no matter how much we love our child he or she will still have an incredible loss. I know this. I understand this. I want to learn more about it so I can help. That is very clear from my blog. I have said nothing other than just that. so I don’t understand why someone would infer the total complete opposite.

Answer: The “inference” of the “total complete opposite” comes from the fact that your statement is what we call an “inversion”, a reversal of logic that is designed to be the “correct” response, to fall nicely on the ears, while continuing down and covering up the same destructive path that is represented by adoption. By this I mean to say that it becomes obvious at some point when someone has studied the “talking points” of a discussion and thinks they have come up with the “correct answer” that will allow them to do what it is that they want to do while simultaneously ignoring the basic gist of the argument, as well as the negative fallout thereof. If I realize the mistake I make in a logic problem after I am finished solving it, and correct it, this is very different from cheating before I begin working on it. A more honest approach would be that of horrifying web sites like this one: “Homestudy Boot Camp".
Anyone who is attuned to this as a tactic is thus left completely befuddled and nonplussed by the abject hypocrisy and double-dealing of such a statement, as in this reply, which is attempting to show some kind of empathy, but for pain that she is directly the cause of. It’s like a biologist feigning pity for the insects he skewers in a display case; it’s like the famous Walrus and Carpenter from Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There, crying over the oysters they led out of their homes and plan to consume. These are the tears of a very dangerous crocodile; this is stacking the deck; this is gaming the system; this is an Orwellian inversion bordering on propaganda. There’s work for you in the Democratic Party if you should want it.

Read more here: http://danielibnzayd.wordpress.com/2013/11/18/what-if-i-make-every-effort-to-help-my-child-through-their-grief/


I can hear the Capobianco's saying this about Veronica Brown and her LOSS. They are the perfect example of this "inversion" thinking. This, readers of this blog, is what we are dealing with... As I have said before, once you SEE this, you can't UNSEE it... That is The Truth... Trace

"Inversion" (please read my friend Daniel's blog)

What if I make every effort to help my child through their grief?

Posted on November 18, 2013 by Daniel Ibn Zayd

This is the 18th question in the series: “Anti-adoption month: 30 answers to 30 questions on adoption” [link].

The following reply was posted to a blog whose author doesn’t seem to mind the pain and loss adoption would bring to her adopted child as well as to her family:

I do want to be as prepared as possible to help my child grieve and empathize with his or her loss. I know that no matter how much we love our child he or she will still have an incredible loss. I know this. I understand this. I want to learn more about it so I can help. That is very clear from my blog. I have said nothing other than just that. so I don’t understand why someone would infer the total complete opposite.

Answer: The “inference” of the “total complete opposite” comes from the fact that your statement is what we call an “inversion”, a reversal of logic that is designed to be the “correct” response, to fall nicely on the ears, while continuing down and covering up the same destructive path that is represented by adoption. By this I mean to say that it becomes obvious at some point when someone has studied the “talking points” of a discussion and thinks they have come up with the “correct answer” that will allow them to do what it is that they want to do while simultaneously ignoring the basic gist of the argument, as well as the negative fallout thereof. If I realize the mistake I make in a logic problem after I am finished solving it, and correct it, this is very different from cheating before I begin working on it. A more honest approach would be that of horrifying web sites like this one: “Homestudy Boot Camp".
Anyone who is attuned to this as a tactic is thus left completely befuddled and nonplussed by the abject hypocrisy and double-dealing of such a statement, as in this reply, which is attempting to show some kind of empathy, but for pain that she is directly the cause of. It’s like a biologist feigning pity for the insects he skewers in a display case; it’s like the famous Walrus and Carpenter from Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There, crying over the oysters they led out of their homes and plan to consume. These are the tears of a very dangerous crocodile; this is stacking the deck; this is gaming the system; this is an Orwellian inversion bordering on propaganda. There’s work for you in the Democratic Party if you should want it.

Read more here: http://danielibnzayd.wordpress.com/2013/11/18/what-if-i-make-every-effort-to-help-my-child-through-their-grief/


I can hear the Capobianco's saying this about Veronica Brown and her LOSS. They are the perfect example of this "inversion" thinking. This, readers of this blog, is what we are dealing with... As I have said before, once you SEE this, you can't UNSEE it... That is The Truth... Trace

Parents for Ethical Adoption Reform statement on #BABY VERONICA

My thoughts? American society has been fed the brainwash that "adoptive parents" are always first and given top priority - that is the sales pitch and propaganda - no taking into consideration a child's life was just destroyed for her to be given to strangers.
Too many people are still under that spell.
I have no sympathy for the Capobiancos - I see how stupid they are. This whole story will kick into a new level when Veronica begins to exhibit symptoms of grief, loss, despair. It WILL happen.....Trace

 

PEAR Statement on "Baby Veronica" Case

Over the last four years, PEAR has been following the increasingly complicated custody case of “Baby Veronica.” As the story involved several states, the ICWA (Indian Child Welfare Act), a Supreme Court  ruling, numerous other court rulings, Nightlight Christian Adoptions, and often erroneous coverage in the media, we suggest you read the history of this saga at https://www.facebook.com/StandingOurGroundForVeronicaBrown, http://keepveronicahome.com/index.php/my-daddy, http://indiancountrytodaymedianetwork.com/story/baby-veronica, http://www.reformtalk.net/2012/01/06/adoptive-parent-entitlement-in-south-carolinacherokeeicwa-case-updated/, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adoptive_Couple_v._Baby_Girl, and, for the adoptee perspective http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-ln-baby-veronica-adoptees-20130925,0,1433838.story for deep background. Many other bloggers, from the adoption community and the Native American community, have also spoken up.

We believe this is a case of wrongful adoption of Veronica Brown by Matt and Melanie Capobianco. To summarize briefly, Nightlight Christian Adoptions (NCA) allowed this “open” adoption to proceed without the consent of the biological father, Dusten Brown. Furthermore, someone – whether the biological mother, her attorney Raymond Godwin (who is married to NCA’s director), and/or NCA is unknown to us - apparently deliberately falsified paperwork prior to the birth, misspelling Dusten’s name and using an incorrect birth date so that his Cherokee tribe would not be notified, which is a requirement for a child with Native American heritage. Had the tribe been contacted, the adoption could not have taken place.

The Capobiancos were permitted to raise Veronica until she was two. At that point, the court in South Carolina ruled that Dusten had not knowingly given up his parental rights. Veronica was given to him, as she should have been as soon as the adoption was contested. Yet the Capobiancos refused to accept that decision. Over the last two years, the Capobiancos have been relentless in their pursuit of this child. They took this case public, exposing Veronica’s privacy in perpetuity and using Dr. Phil and adoptee-locator Troy Dunn as part of their PR machine to sway public opinion and the courts in their favor. They have had Dusten arrested and are now suing him for legal fees that were provided to them pro bono, travel fees to cover the media/publicity appearances they made (which are normally paid by the media, such as Dr. Phil).  

Not only have the Capobiancos done their utmost to procure this child through what we believe are fraudulent, deeply unethical means, but they, their adoption agency, and their lawyer have betrayed the basic concept of what adoption is meant to be: providing a family for a child who has none.   Fortunately, Veronica’s case has garnered so much attention that she will be able to realize how her father fought to keep her, despite the machinations of the Capobiancos and their team. (For details, go to http://www.reformtalk.net/2013/09/23/spotlight-on-south-carolina-adoptions-and-nightlight-christian-adoptions/).

We are extremely disheartened that the courts in this country have allowed this adoption to take place. Numerous adoption laws have been broken. South Carolina and Oklahoma do not have open adoption regulations that can be enforced. Given the animosity the Capobiancos have shown toward Dusten, we sincerely doubt they will allow Veronica’s father to be a regular presence in her life, or that they will be speaking of him and his extended family (as well as the Cherokee Nation) with the respect and love he deserves.  

We fear for Veronica’s mental and emotional health, as she has been removed from the home of her father, step-mother, step-sister, and many other relatives and friends, and taken thousands of miles away to live with a couple who has shown the utmost disdain for her family while claiming that their custody is in “her best interest.” 

Most important, however, is that this child has rights of her own. Veronica has the right to be raised by a competent, loving biological family. Prospective adoptive parents, their adoption agencies, and their adoption attorneys should not be allowed to trample on a biological father’s (or mother’s) rights. They should not be allowed to encourage biological mothers to deliver in a state (especially one with lenient adoption regulations) that is not their legal residence. They should not take their private situations public. They should pay utmost care when preparing paperwork that determines a child’s future. They should not feel justified, with an overwhelming sense of entitlement, to another person’s child.

The tragedy of this case highlights the inequity between determined adoptive parents and the rights of the adoptees and their biological families. 

---

Ethics, Transparency, Support
~ What All Adoptions Deserve.
http://www.pear-now.org/

100 Voices for Veronica Brown

Post by 100 Voices for Veronica Brown.

 
Facebook is buzzing with Baby Veronica (Ronnie Brown) updates and talking about her case as human trafficking. If you have a parent who wants to raise his child and an adoption agency who sells that same child and then wins in court and hands the child to strangers then we have sanctioned human trafficking in the US....Trace


Post by 100 Voices for Veronica Brown.

Comment:

• 100 Voices for Veronica Brown Thank You very much for that link, Tenja. I remember a social worker commenting on one of the pro-Veronica blogs, that when she was younger she was involved (I believe pre-ICWA) in placing a lot of Native children with white parents. I wish I could find that comment. She basically admitted that she thought at the time that she was “saving ” these children, but later a lot of them developed problems as teenagers and a lot of them committed suicide, while the kids who stayed with their biological families were much closer to the national norm for suicide. I don’t remember if it was the same person, or someone else, who mentioned that a big part of the problem was that the white families talked disrespectfully about the children’s native families. One look at the SAVE VERONICA ROSE (SVR) page and you can see we have the same problem in Veronica’s case. We need to spread this information. This could help prevent Desirai’s (and other children’s) placement outside the tribe, this could eventually help reunite Veronica with her family. I believe that it is far from over. If the tide of the public opinion turns within the next couple of months or years, and let’s say Godwin, and Nightlight and Nomura get exposed and imprisoned, Capobinacos will find themselves in a hot water. They “won” but they know that this might be a Pyrrhic victory.

  Like · Reply · 3 · November 3 at 4:13pm

Tribe to argue sovereignty in legal-fee demands by Capobiancos lawyers #Baby Veronica

The Brown Family (archive photo)

TULSA, Okla. – The Cherokee Nation will argue that tribal sovereignty makes it immune from a request for $1 million in legal fees in a custody battle over a 4-year-old girl, according to a tribal assistant attorney general. Attorneys representing Matt and Melanie Capobianco of South Carolina filed the request in Oklahoma courts for legal fees in the custody dispute over 4-year-old Veronica. The Capobiancos have custody after Veronica’s biological father, Dusten Brown, dropped all legal proceedings. The request sought the fees from Brown and his tribe, the Cherokee Nation.

The moved shocked tribal officials, said CN Assistant Attorney General Chrissi Nimmo, who led the tribe’s effort to keep Veronica with her Cherokee family. “It seems to be a warning to fathers and to tribes,” Nimmo said. “‘Don’t fight for your children, or we will ruin you financially.’”

Veronica had been the subject of court battles since she was born to a non-Native mother, who put the girl up for adoption. The Capobiancos had been lined up to receive custody since 2009. In September, Brown handed Veronica over to the Capobiancos after the Oklahoma Supreme Court lifted an emergency stay keeping the girl in Oklahoma.

“We’re extremely disappointed,” Nimmo said. “We believed all parties when they said they would make an effort to move on and heal.”

But an attorney for the Capobiancos, Lori Alvino McGill, told the Tulsa World that the request for fees was appropriate. The legal team worked pro bono and didn’t charge the Capobiancos for their services, she said. “Attorneys are entitled to get their fees and expenses associated with successfully enforcing a custody order,” she said. “So the Capobiancos’ attorneys can seek their fees/expenses associated with having to chase Brown around to enforce the South Carolina orders.”

The Browns have not commented on the request for fees.

http://www.cherokeephoenix.org/Article/Index/7774

See earlier post for lawyers fees breakdown a few days ago...Trace

Taskforce on Violence Against American Indian Children to Hold First Public Hearing In North Dakota

Archive Photo

Posted on November 13, 2013 by Kate Fort on TURTLE TALK

Release here.

The advisory committee will convene four public hearings across the country beginning in Bismarck, N.D., Dec. 9, focusing on violence in children’s homes, schools and communities in Indian country.  Associate Attorney General Tony West will join the task force at the first hearing in Bismarck.  The other hearings will be held in Phoenix, Ariz., Fort Lauderdale, Fla. and Anchorage, Alaska early in 2014.

To say this is long overdue would be an under-statement...Trace

Facebook discussing Dusten Brown, Jessica Munday #BABY VERONICA

ON FACEBOOK:

Tara Servatius Full Text:

 

Yesterday on WTMA I questioned how the Capobiancos could tell Dr. Phil last week that Veronica's biological family would be involved in her life -- and then this week attempt to ruin her biological father, Dusten Brown financially by allowing their attorneys to sue him and the Cherokee Nation for $1 million. The suit cannot go forward without the Capobiancos giving attorneys who worked for them PRO BONO the right to sue, which it appears they are doing out of spite. Is this in Veronica's best interest? 

Here's the response I got from the Capobianco's spokesperson Jessica Munday: "Veronica is doing wonderfully and the attorneys have every right to sue the Cherokee Nation. Come on Tara. You know that Brown isn't going to have to pay a dime. She is home where she should be and her teen years will be far from hell. The fact of the matter is that Veronica's birth father should have never taken her in the first place. The US Supreme Court confirmed our belief that this was wrong. More than 30 attorneys DONATED their time for nearly two years (think about that and let is sink in for a moment). This was and always has been about a birth mother that was abandoned, chose life for her child and gave her a better life than she could provide and a set of parents that did what any parents would do to reunite with their daughter. As a mother and woman, you should be appalled. A state court erroneously allowed her birth father to rip her from her family and keep her isolated from them and her birth mother for more than 20 months. This adoption occurred solely because he unequivocally rejected his parental rights. Perhaps you are unaware that he testified that he was more than happy to relinquish his parental rights so long as Veronica’s birth mother assumed full responsibility for Veronica. In other words, he made it clear that Veronica was not his problem, at least when it came to parental responsibilities. The blatant lawlessness by the birth father and his Tribe created an enormously dangerous situation for an innocent child whom the birth father and Tribe sequestered on tribal lands away from her only parents. Thankfully, with support from many incredible people, intelligent and dedicated people, we were able to bring Veronica back home where she belongs."

 

Post by Standing our Ground for Veronica Brown.

The Fight For Native Families #FAULTLINES Documentary #NAAM2016

Anger turned inside:  The Fight For Native Families

By Trace Hentz (formerly DeMeyer)

I am 57 years on the long road as an adoptee warrior.

In the past year, my adoption wariness rose to a whole new level with the Baby Veronica and Dusten Brown story. When asked how this tragedy affected me, I’d say, “I am Ronnie Brown 50+ years later. My dad would have raised me too.” I hurt to think about Ronnie. The adoption industry had won again.

It brought up memories of my own loss, isolation, grief, disappointment, what I call “anger turned inside,” and how it tore me to shreds.  With the very real long-term effects of assimilation by closed adoption, I’d spent more of my life as a stranger to my own relatives. Hopefully, Ronnie Brown won’t have this problem to endure.

My own recovery started when I read my adoption file in 1979 and saw my name Laura Jean Thrall. I was 22 and didn’t quite know what to do with this information. I’d hoped someone was looking for me (sadly no one was.)  I didn’t get depressed or feel suicidal, but apparently many adoptees do hurt themselves and suffer more than the world realizes. I pretty much faced everything head-on, like a car crash.

After reunion with my birthfather in 1994, my story became more about finding history. What is known today about the Indian Adoption Projects and the aftermath of ARENA, few people even know it happened...but right here in America, Native children were taken and given to white people and missionaries and boarding schools for a reason. Every Indian reservation has this story. Thousands and thousands of Indian children disappeared. Their reason:  kill the Indian to save the Man, eradicate our sovereignty to take more land.

Adoption was used a weapon against American Indians and First Nations. Tribal children were sold into adoption, molded into American proto-types, tribal membership erased.  In some states, it’s still happening in 2013.

For the Lost Children of Indian Adoption Projects, blood is never erased by adoption. But with sealed adoption records, it’s nearly made impossible to reunite.

In the words of a Cree elder, “You must know where you came from yesterday, know where you are today, if you’re to know where you’re going tomorrow.” True. I’ve lived it.

November happens to be Adoption Awareness Month. Fault Lines on Al Jazeera America has a new documentary "THE FIGHT FOR NATIVE FAMILIES" to air on Friday, Nov 8th, 9:30pm ET and 12:30am ET and 7pm ET on Sun Nov. 9th.  The Series website with channel info: http://america.aljazeera.com/watch/shows/fault-lines.html

They’ll share my anthology TWO WORLDS on their website.

UPDATE: http://america.aljazeera.com/watch/shows/fault-lines/FaultLinesBlog/2013/11/8/the-fight-for-nativefamiliesbackgroundreading.html


Trace DeMeyer is the author of One Small Sacrifice and the co-editor of Two Worlds: Lost Children of the Indian Adoption Projects. She is working on a new anthology of Native adoptee narratives, CALLED HOME.

Capobianco's suing for $1 million

Capobiancos suing Baby Veronica's biological father Dusten Brown, Cherokee Nation for $1M in fees

 Posted: 11/05/2013

NOWATA COUNTY, Okla. - The adoptive parents of "Baby Veronica," who had been at the center of a four-year custody feud are suing the Cherokee Nation and the girl's biological father to the tune of $1 million, court documents show.
The documents, filed Friday in Nowata County district court, show Matt and Melanie Capobianco racked up more than 2,000 Oklahoma attorney hours during their fight with Dusten Brown for Veronica, now 4.
Now, the South Carolina couple is looking to recoup the $1,028,796 in fees and $6,535.27 in costs they say Brown, a Cherokee, and the Cherokee Nation, who battled for Veronica to stay with Brown in Nowata, owe them.

The lawsuit cites the 1998 passing of Oklahoma's Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act, which states the court shall award "the prevailing party" reasonable expenses made during proceedings provided the award would be "clearly appropriate."
The Cherokee Nation opted not to comment on the motion.


This is exactly what THE LAWYERS want - to create FEAR and to show us how powerful the billion dollar adoption industry really truly is... This is disgusting and extortion... Trace

Academics FINALLY writing about Native Adoptees!

Prof. Karen Tani Writes About “Remembering the ‘Forgotten Child’” in Light of Adoptive Couple at Jotwell

Posted on November 6, 2013 by Kate Fort at Turtle Talk
 

Here.

These revelations are sure to disturb any reader, but the point of Jacobs’s important article is not to expose adoption proponents as disingenuous or malevolent. It is to place an ongoing phenomenon—Indian children’s disproportionately high rate of separation from their families—in proper historical context. (P. 154.) “It is no coincidence,” Jacobs writes, “that the IAP arose during the era in which the federal government promoted termination [of tribal nations’ special status] and relocation policies for American Indians.” (P. 152.) Adoptions enabled the federal government to terminate its responsibilities, child by child, by shifting them to “the ultimate ‘private’ sector.” (P.154.) By extension, Jacobs argues, adoptive families also advanced the government’s long-term “effort[] to eliminate Indianness.” (P. 154.) This, Jacobs demonstrates, was the backdrop for the ICWA. When tribal leaders and advocacy organizations convinced Congress to enact the new law, it was a small victory in a long war. And when plaintiffs invoke the ICWA today, they raise a hard-won shield.

We agree that Margaret D. Jacobs “Remembering the ‘Forgotten Child’: The American Indian Child Welfare Crisis of the 1960s and 1970s” 37 American Indian Quarterly 136 (2013) is an excellent and important article.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From Trace:

Trace's well-worn copy of Jacob's Book

I read Jacob's article and I agree - it's fantastic!
When I was a speaker at the Western New England Law School last month, Laura Briggs, author of Somebody's Child, the Politics of Transracial and Transnational Adoption, told me that Margaret Jacobs is writing a new book, a follow-up to White Mother to A Dark Race (photo at right).
It occurs to me and to many other adoptees that HISTORIC CHANGE is on the wind - finally. Academia is studying our history. When academics like Briggs and Jacobs are writing the history about tribal adoptions and ICWA, courts and others in academia will read up and pay attention. Indian Country needs this to happen.
So far I have 33 contributors to the new Native adoptee anthology CALLED HOME: Lost Children of the Indian Adoption Projects, my third book on this history. Since we adoptees are living the story, we are telling it our way. I understand a Missouri graduate program in sociology is using my memoir One Small Sacrifice as a teaching tool.
Change comes in small tiny steps. We are finally seeing it happen.
As I have said on this blog: THE ONLY WAY WE CAN CHANGE HISTORY IS TO WRITE IT OURSELVES. And the truth shall FINALLY set us free....

Thank you so much for reading this blog. I thank you with all my heart!

Fake identity?

Adoptee Daniel Ibn Zayd chose to answer 30 questions...

The follow question originally appeared on Yahoo!Answers¹:

Why would someone think that Adoption erases a child's identity and replaces it with a fake one?

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Answer: First, we need to define our terms: what do we mean by "identity"? Adoption laws, courts, agencies, and most any and all other agents involved in adoption have a clear interest in rupturing all ties of a child with its progenitors and community, and replacing them with others, as defined by the legal system that they control on all levels. To do this, myths have been built up concerning adoption that, when challenged, place those in power, those in control of the situation—including parents—in a moral dilemma: Even if they agree with what is being said—theoretically, morally, ethically—the circumstances of their lives, the weight of their laws, the preponderance of notions of property in their legal system, as well as the sheer desire to make it so, all result in questions such as this one being asked, as well as in the way the question is framed. In purely legal terms, due to the fact that for the majority of states in the U.S. a child's birth certificate is sealed by the courts, or that for most of us adopted overseas our birth documentation is completely falsified—an avalanche of bogus paperwork in order to shuttle us out of the country—then yes, I think it is fair to say that an adopted child's identity, as defined in this legalistic manner, is not his or her real or true identity.

Second, what strikes me particularly strange about having growing up in the United States is the attention given to all aspects of, say, the immigrant experience, and genealogy, and "roots", and ethnicity, such that everyone gets a "hyphen" attached to their country of origin—Polish-American, Italian-American, and in my case, Lebanese-American—except for the true-blue Americans, who are simply "all-American". Given this pride taken in ethnicity, and the obvious hierarchy it establishes in terms of racism, xenophobia, and the like, how is it possible to claim some kind of ethnicity—or other marker of identity—for any child who has not grown up in his or her culture? Eating falafel does not make me "Lebanese", and I still do not claim to be Lebanese now that I'm living here. Why allow such pretension in the States? So in this case as well, I think that my American identity was not "true"—it was instead a series of masks, of affectations—both in terms of my adoptive family, and in terms of my birth country.

Third, and as an elaboration of this, I would admit to having an identity, that is made aware to me when I am around people from where I grew up—our speech patterns, our cultural references, our way of seeing things—all are reflective of a time in U.S. history when individual and local areas all had their own manners and mores, quirks, and culture. This of course has now been paved over, suburbanized, and WalMartized. This truly local culture has been replaced by a strange globalized and globalizing hodgepodge of references to superficial trappings of ethnic "style", such that a child's identity is not formed in a local town, say, but from a Mountain Dew commercial instead. Perhaps this is what is meant by "identity" in this question?

Fourth and finally, I think there is a hypocrisy within the American view of itself in terms of adoption, in the sense that society and culture in general make reference to blood lines, ancestry, familial ties, and the "nurture" aspect of family relationships, such that we have no problem saying, "he's a chip off the old block" or else, "she takes after her grandmother on her mother's side", or "he's the spitting image of his father." Why should it be, then, that all of a sudden the adopted child is supposed to believe that in his or her case, this doesn't matter? That there is no nature, only nurture? How is it not possible to understand that each and every one of these references might seem slight in and of their own selves, but in the aggregate, they are like being bled to death from a million tiny cuts?

The problem here is much deeper than portrayed, because it isn't a bunch of so-called anti-adoption activists that have made suicide the number one cause of death for adopted Korean males in certain adoptive countries, for example. It isn't "bad answers" on this bulletin board that have driven hundreds if not thousands of adopted children from Korea, Taiwan, Lebanon, etc., in progressive waves of generations of dispossessed children who vainly attempt to reverse their exodus and return to their lands of birth, in a useless but necessary attempt to re-establish some vague sense of what we currently refer to as "identity". In 10, 15, and 20 years, it will be the turn of Ukraine, and Russia, and Guatemala, and Ethiopia, and Kenya, and Kazakhstan, and and and...., until such a day, God willing, that the injustice of adoption, and thus this destruction of identity, can be definitively stopped, once and for all.

And so you can challenge this "revolt", with a kind of haughtiness that I'm sure is not normally of you, and thereby risk alienating your adopted child, or you can make the huge leap necessary in your worldview in order to attempt to finally understand, instead of simply imposing on him or her, and by extension, on all of us, these myths that we simply wish to point out as being such; in an effort to clear the air; to breathe. To start a process of healing. To know who we are.

References:
Cold War Orientalism², by Christina Klein.
Race, Nation, Class³, by Etienne Balibar and Immanuel Wallerstein.
The Karma of Brown Folk⁴, by Vijay Prashad.
National Identity⁵, by Anthony D. Smith.
More books⁶ on the subject...

Debate Tactic: There are two sides to this debate. The first is about "claiming" identity; the second is about "assigning" identity. Both are fraught with peril, because the proud claiming of the first maps too well onto the pejorative assigning of the second. By this I mean to say that my "pride" is someone else's "epithet", or tool of destruction. Like much that is currently taken for granted within an acculturation of individualization, the fact is that "identity" is not a function of an individual, but of a community and a society. The first step to break out of this debate is to drive it away from its usual reductiveness. To do so, we need to consider what the prevailing formative norms of language and culture are, and where they come from. So even when I claim to be a "Jersey boy", I need to really say "North Jersey", and then "suburban" (as opposed to rural or urban), etc. To resist along these lines requires us to question any effort to define and delimit us. Checkboxes on government forms, placement in certain lines at the border screening within an airport, replacing an entire culture with a discussion of certain foodstuffs: We must challenge a reductive idea of what identity is. Adoption, in and of itself, is designed to destroy identity. But too often the stunted and crippled shoot that comes from such a pile of rubble is, itself, a Frankensteinian construct. Ironically, it is perhaps in not claiming an identity that we find ourselves.

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¹ http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=ApRgTyl6Xek.VS0AyBJJX5vty6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20090831231050AANGvaW
² http://www.ucpress.edu/book.php?isbn=9780520232303
³ http://www.versobooks.com/books/510-race-nation-class
⁴ http://www.upress.umn.edu/book-division/books/the-karma-of-brown-folk
⁵ http://www.unpress.nevada.edu/Search/Title/national/Titles/National%20Identity;1545?1
⁶ http://www.inquisitor.com/pcgi-bin/media.cgi?NA=Media&AC=List&SC=All&DI=Books&SU=culture&SO=sort_date

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Beirut Diary Online (Formerly New York Diary Online) [Writing, photography, and artwork] Copyright © 1995-2013 Daniel Ibn Zayd [or as otherwise noted], all rights reserved.

Enough is Enough: Indian Status, Amend Indian Act

I just signed the petition "Canadian Government: Remove all of the sex discrimination in the Indian status registration provisions of the Indian Act - Enough is Enough" on Change.org.

No More Failed Remedial Legislations to the Status Provisions of The Indian Act

Section 15 of The Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms states all Canadians have the right to live free from sexual and racial discrimination, yet Canada refuses to remove the sex discrimination in the Indian status registration provisions of The Indian Act.  Despite the long-time efforts of Indigenous women such as Mary Two-Axe Early, Jeannette Corbiere-Lavell, Yvonne Bernard, and Sandra Lovelace sex discrimination continues.

While The Indian Act was amended in 1985 to eliminate the sex discrimination against women who married non-Indian men, Canada took advantage of this remedial process creating the second-generation cut-off rule, and through applying this rule in a detrimental way to the descendants of Indian women as compared to the descendants of Indian men.  In this way Canada manipulated the remedial process.

Sharon McIvor furthered the effort, where in 2011 The Indian Act was once again amended.  Despite her 25 year effort Canada again manipulated the remedial process where as such many issues remain.  For example, the grandchildren of Indian women once enfranchised, and born prior to September 4, 1951 continue to be denied.

Further, many are unaware of the matter or unknown and unstated paternity (also unreported, unnamed, unacknowledged, unestablished, and unrecognized paternity).

Prior to the 1985 amendment to The Indian Act provisions protected mothers and their children whose father’s signature was not ascribed to the birth certificate − meaning the child was the same as their Indian mother, a status Indian.  Through the 1985 remedial process Canada removed these provisions creating yet another new form of sex discrimination.  Today Canada assumes all unknown fathers are non-Indian and this negatively affects the child’s treaty rights such as housing, health care, and education.  This policy remains in situations of sexual violence such as rape, gang rape, incest, prostitution, and sexual slavery.  Lynn Gehl v. Attorney General addresses this sex discrimination and it will be heard in court in May 2014.

Please sign this petition in support of the call for Canada to end the manipulative practice of using the remedial process of eliminating the sex discrimination in the Indian status registration provisions of The Indian Act as an opportunity to create new forms of sex discrimination in law, policy, and practice.

To learn more see: www.lynngehl.com

It's important. Will you sign it too? Here's the link:

http://www.change.org/en-CA/petitions/canadian-government-remove-all-of-the-sex-discrimination-in-the-indian-status-registration-provisions-of-the-indian-act-enough-is-enough?share_id=qjxmNzzdps&utm_campaign=signature_receipt&utm_medium=email&utm_source=share_petition

Thanks!

Trace

Improving the Lives of Native American children, bill introduced

Sens. Heitkamp and Murkowski Introduce Bill to Improve Lives of Indian Children

Posted on October 30, 2013 by Matthew L.M. Fletcher, Turtle Talk

Here is the text of the press release (bill summary here):

U.S. Senators Heidi Heitkamp (D-ND) and Lisa Murkowski (R-AK) today introduced a comprehensive plan to find solutions to the complex challenges facing Native American children throughout Indian Country.
The bipartisan legislation, Heitkamp’s first bill as a U.S. Senator, would create a national Commission on Native American Children to conduct an intensive study into issues facing Native children – such as high rates of poverty, staggering unemployment, child abuse, domestic violence, crime, substance abuse, and few economic opportunities – and make recommendations on how to make sure Native children are better taken care of and given the opportunities to thrive.   Heitkamp and Murkowski are both members of the Senate Committee on Indian Affairs.

“We have all heard stories or seen first-hand the struggles that too many Native children and their families face from extreme poverty to child abuse to suicide.  Since I’ve been in public office, I’ve worked to address many of these challenges, and I’m proud my first bill as a U.S. Senator will take a serious look at finding solutions to better protect Native children and give them the opportunities they deserve,” said Heitkamp. “Tragically, for children in our nation’s tribal communities, the barriers to success are high and they are the most at-risk population in the country, facing serious disparities in safety, health, and education.

“We need to strive for a day when Native children no longer live in third-world conditions; when they don’t face the threat of abuse on a daily basis; when they receive the good health care and education to help them grow and succeed. However, we don’t just have a moral obligation to fix this, we have treaty and trust responsibilities to do so. The federal government pledged long ago to protect Native families and children. We haven’t lived up to that promise. But we can change that.”
“Last week at the Alaska Federation of Natives, a group of kids from Tanana speak up  with tremendous courage and express that they have had enough of violence, alcohol, drugs, and suicide in their community. Their call for us to take a pledge to protect our villages against suicide, is a call to action for all of us. I am proud to be the lead Republican co-sponsor of the Alyce Spotted Bear and Walter Soboleff Commission with Sen. Heitkamp,” said Murkowski.  “We must ensure our federal government upholds the trust responsibility, especially to our Native children, and this Commission will examine from the lens of justice, education, and healthcare how to improve the lives of our Nation’s native children.”
“It is also time we honor Dr. Walter Soboleff, our champion for cultural education in Alaska. Dr. Soboleff, lived a life committed to ensuring our public education system honored cultural values, and that our University system provided an option for students to learn cultural practices with the established of the Alaska Native Studies Department at the University of Alaska Fairbanks.”
The Alyce Spotted Bear and Walter Soboleff Commission on Native Children, named for the former Chairwoman of Mandan, Hidatsa & Arikara Nation in North Dakota, and Alaska Native Elder and statesman, respectively, is already being praised by a cross-section of individuals from North Dakota, Alaska and around the country. It has been lauded by former Chairman of the Senate Committee on Indian Affairs Byron Dorgan, the National Congress of American Indians and the National Indian Education Association (quotes endorsing the legislation are below).

Background:

Conditions for young people in Indian Country are tragic. For example:

• 37 percent of Native children live in poverty;
• Suicide rates are 2.5 times the national average for children 15-24 years old;
• High school graduation rate for Native students is around 50 percent, compared to more than 75 percent for white students; and
• While the overall rate of child mortality in the U.S. has decreased since 2000, the rate for Native children has increased 15 percent.

Tribal governments face numerous obstacles in responding to the needs of Native children. Existing program rules and the volume of resources required to access grant opportunities stymie efforts of tribes to tackle these issues.  At the same time, federal agencies lack clear guidance about the direction that should be taken to best address the needs of Native children in order to fulfill our trust responsibility to tribal nations.

To help reverse these impacts, the Commission on Native Children would conduct a comprehensive study on the programs, grants, and supports available for Native children, both at government agencies and on the ground in Native communities, with the goal of developing a sustainable system that delivers wrap-around services to Native children.  Then, the 11 member Commission would issue a report to address a series of challenges currently facing Native children.  A Native Children Subcommittee would also provide advice to the Commission.  The Commission’s report would address how to achieve:

• Better Use of Existing Resources – The Commission will identify ways to streamline current federal, state, and local programs to be more effective and give tribes greater flexibility to devise programs for their communities in the spirit of self-determination and allow government agencies to redirect resources to the areas of most need.
• Increased Coordination – The Commission will seek to improve coordination of existing programs benefitting Native children.  The federal government houses programs across numerous different agencies, yet these programs too often do not work together.
• Measurable Outcomes – The Commission will recommend measures to determine the wellbeing of Native children, and use these measurements to propose short-term, mid-term, and long-term national policy goals.
• Stronger Data – The Commission will seek to develop better data collection methods.  Too often Native children are left out of the conversation because existing data collection, reporting, and analysis practices exclude them.
• Stronger Private Sector Partnerships – The Commission will seek to identify obstacles to public-private partnerships in Native communities.
• Implementation of Best Practices – The Commission will identify and highlight successful models that can   be adopted in Native communities.

For a summary of the bill, click here. For quotations from national supporters, click here.

Capobiancos sit down for Dr. Phil interview #BABY VERONICA

The adoptive parents of 4-year-old Veronica Capobianco said in a television interview that they promise to keep her biological family a part of her life.

Oct 30, 2013.

By MICHAEL OVERALL Tulsa World Staff Writer |

Speaking publicly for the first time since winning custody, Baby Veronica's adoptive parents promised Tuesday to keep her biological family a part of her life.
Appearing briefly on national television, Matt and Melanie Capobianco confirmed that they have stayed in touch with Dusten Brown and other members of Veronica's Cherokee family.

"It's been positive," Melanie Capobianco said, "and we feel really good about it."

No recent footage of Veronica was included, but the Capobiancos apparently sat down for the interview over the weekend at their home in the suburbs of Charleston, S.C.

"All the people who love her, all of her family members," Melanie Capobianco said, "will be in contact with her."

A short segment on the "Dr. Phil" show included video shot while the Capobiancos were in Oklahoma to fight for custody, where the Brown family waged a court battle for weeks in hope of keeping Veronica.

Riding in the back seat of an SUV, the Capobiancos drove past the Cherokee Nation headquarters near Tahlequah, where they spotted Veronica in the yard outside of a VIP house where the Browns were staying at the time.

Brown said goodbye to Veronica at that house Sept. 23, when the Oklahoma Supreme Court cleared the way for the Capobiancos to take her.

But the video of Veronica, obviously shot from a distance, was apparently taken Aug. 15, after reality television personality Troy "The Locator" Dunn appeared at a Tulsa news conference with the Capobiancos.

Dunn tried to approach the house where Veronica was staying, but Cherokee deputies turned him away.

With the Capobiancos filing a writ of habeas corpus later that day, the incident led to the first of several court appearances that ultimately sent Veronica back to South Carolina.

Following the adoptive parents while they were in Oklahoma, Dunn had offered to be a "neutral" mediator between the Brown and Capobianco families.

But he was a registered member of the Coalition for the Protection of Indian Children and Families, a group founded by the Capobiancos' spokeswoman to lobby for changes to the Indian Child Welfare Act.

Brown used the law to challenge Veronica's adoption and take custody of her in 2011.

The Capobiancos appealed the case all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court, which ruled this summer that the law didn't apply to Brown because he didn't have custody of Veronica at birth.

The Browns and Capobiancos have mutually agreed not to comment anymore to the media, Dunn told the Dr. Phil audience.

Although South Carolina is no longer seeking Brown's extradition, he still faces a felony complaint of "custodial interference" for refusing to hand over Veronica while appealing the case in Oklahoma.

The complaint could make him subject to arrest if he ever visits South Carolina, according to attorneys.

SOURCE: http://www.tulsaworld.com/news/local/adoptive-parents-in-baby-veronica-case-speak-on-dr-phil/article_c3f1dbbd-0c59-5f81-ad16-202ca0deeb5e.html

Lawsuit Proceeds for Canada's Lost Generation 60s Scoop Adoptees

David P. Ball

10/28/13

A class-action lawsuit against the Canadian government on behalf of tens of thousands of indigenous children who were seized and moved to white families in an adoption wave known as the “Sixties Scoop” can now proceed after being approved by an Ontario judge.
The decision was handed down after several previous lawsuits in Canada failed, and as attention in the U.S. focused on the Baby Veronica custody case.

RELATED: Baby Veronica & Our Stolen Children: 'Someday, They'll Come Back'

“[The] harm done was profound and included lasting psychological and emotional damage,” said Justice Edward Belobaba in rejecting the government's arguments and summarizing his rationale for certifying the case, which affects at least 16,000 children in Ontario alone.
The Sixties Scoop followed a similar pattern across Canada, as the federal government signed funding agreements with the provinces that extended provincial child and family welfare services onto First Nations reserves. For example, in Ontario, the Crown signed the Ontario-Canada-Ontario Welfare Services Agreement on December 1, 1965. That lasted until the end of 1984, when a new federal law, the Child and Family Services Act, made “aboriginality an important factor in child protection and placement practices,” Belobaba said in his September 27 decision.
The class action is being represented by Beaverhouse First Nation Chief Marcia Brown Martel, who was seized from her Ojibwe family and adopted into a community where she was the only Native.
“It is in the power of the Government of Canada to right this wrong, to change how our Canadian systems work with aboriginal communities, to take the apology they offered and stand by it, and have it be a cornerstone to a new relationship—a dynamic, fulfilling relationship—to extend the apology to more than just fine words,” she told Indian Country Today Media Network. “It needs action.”
Currently, she added, there are “more than just the survivors to contend with. Every community that lost children to the Sixties Scoop has parents and extended family also affected by the loss of their loved ones.
“I was swept from my family, my community, my siblings, my extended family, my ability to function as an aboriginal person at all,” she said, “I had nothing as a young person, to say, 'Yes, I am First Nations,' other than the color of my skin and my hair. That's all I had left.”
As the only aboriginal person in a non-Native community, she felt completely alone in her struggles even into adulthood.
“Personally, it was a very, very lonely time in my life,” she said. “You start searching as a young adult to find your community. I'm very fortunate: I remembered my name as Sally Susan Mathias. Some may be so young that they would never remember their birth name. You don't know where to begin. It is an extremely difficult process.”

On Amazon

According to Sixties Scoop survivor Ernie Crey, who co-authored the 1998 book Stolen from Our Embrace (Douglas & McIntyre) with Suzanne Fournier and founded an aboriginal-run child welfare agency in British Columbia, Canadian aboriginal child welfare policies differ significantly from those in the U.S.
“It's a patchwork quilt here in Canada, versus what's true in the U.S. in the way of child protection,” Crey explained. “There isn't a National Indian Child Welfare Act in Canada, or anything even remotely like it, either. That goes back to the Sixties, when the Department of Indian Affairs refused to legislate child protection under the Indian Act. They abandoned the field to each province. That's what precipitated the Sixties Scoop.”
As some residential schools began to close around the same time, the change in child protection “created a perfect storm,” Crey said. “That's when the social workers from each province literally ... descended on the communities and apprehended children en masse.”
Advocates have described the Sixties Scoop as “identity genocide of children.” But many point out that even today there are more aboriginal children in Canada's child welfare system than ever attended residential schools.
“We're basically warehousing thousands and thousands of children in long-term care,” Crey said. “We're confining them to foster care.”
In another prominent case, First Nations Child and Family Caring Society director Cindy Blackstock and the Assembly of First Nations have taken the issue of unequal funding for aboriginal child services to the Canadian Human Rights Tribunal.
Blackstock cited recent statistics that 48 percent of children in foster care are aboriginal – even though they make up less than eight per cent of Canada's children.
“We're looking at thousands and thousands of kids who are being raised away from their families,” she said in an earlier interview. “One of the big lessons that all of us should have learned, and certainly the government should have learned, from residential school, is that children need to grow up in their families. Then they learn the culture of themselves and their people.”

Go to website link below for the trailer for a documentary being made about this era, which took an entire generation of children away from their families even as residential schools closed down.

Read more at http://indiancountrytodaymedianetwork.com/2013/10/28/canadas-baby-veronicas-sue-adoptees-seized-sixties-scoop-approved-class-action-lawsuit

Last Real Indians: The Missionary is Back

I am honored the Last Real Indians website posted my essay THE MISSIONARY IS BACK: Or Perhaps They Never Left about Lisa Morris, CAICW and her campaign to end ICWA.

Please read it here: http://lastrealindians.com/the-missionary-is-back-or-perhaps-they-never-left-by-trace-a-demeyer/

ADOPTION INDUSTRY TRAFFICKERS: The Light is on YOU

 By Trace A. DeMeyer, author of One Small Sacrifice

I was so naive when I took foster care training in the mid-1990s. I really was. I was in my mid 30s, an adoptee from a stranger adoption in Wisconsin, about to be divorced and there I was thinking about doing the Oregon foster-to-adopt program. I was thinking I could give a child a better life but eventually I changed my mind. I couldn't help but think any child I took in would wish to be with their "real" parents. That was my mindset, how I felt growing up. That thought really hasn't changed.

Then I decided to really look at my life, what I had done with it. I realized I was in no condition to adopt anyone. I couldn't love anyone. Yep, that was definitely true. And I hated my life. I hated what happened to me, being adopted. Time after time, I forgave. I forgave the pedophile who adopted me, who I called dad.  I forgave the woman who I called mom who lived in a fantasy world the entire time I knew her. I forgave my soon to be ex-husband and many others. (Eventually I forgave my birthmother and I found and met my birthfather and relatives in 1994.)

I wore the marks of disappointment all over my soul. Why? I could never be their biological daughter so I "created" who I thought the DeMeyer family wanted. I took up so much time trying to be that perfect daughter. I tried hard to please my adoptive parents. I literally wasted years - I mean more than half my life  - trying.

Then I tried to be what everyone else wanted. I didn't realize that I could have my own life. How is this possible I didn't know I could choose for myself? It was like "I" didn't exist. I was just a mosaic of other people's expectations. I was not a happy camper so I made some good choices for me - like getting counseling and knowing myself - finally.

My reading at the Pequot Museum

So fast forward to 2004, when I left my job as editor of the Pequot Times newspaper. I decided to look at adoption again. Not to adopt but to look at it as a journalist. I decided to pursue the study of adoption on my own, not to gain a college degree. I read everything. I read studies, I read blogs, I read books, I read history. I read more pages of text than I could write in my lifetime.

I decided I wanted to know who is really running this billion dollar adoption industry. I decided to look at global poverty and how it creates slave conditions which can lead to human trafficking. I looked at how young people fall into lust and create children when they are children themselves. I looked at how world religions treat unwed mothers. I looked at countries that do not allow adoption by Americans. I looked at how adult adoptees are rarely mentioned in what I call adoption propaganda. I looked at how psychology was just noticing that adoptees were suffering and not living a "fairy tale" life.  I studied birth psychology. I looked at adoption agency ads. I looked at couples who ran ads for a baby to adopt. I looked at the marketing by the adoption industry who created a niche for themselves, using newborns and young children (with living parents) to be the human guinea pigs for their experiment. I looked at intercountry adoption and how it makes some people very rich. I looked at industry profits. I looked at the history of the Indian Adoption Projects and ARENA. I looked at the governments who created and funded these adoption programs. I looked at how religions advanced the false idea there are orphans everywhere and someone needs to save them. I looked at how the adoption industry convinces people that babies are blank slates and we will adapt and be perfectly happy as the adoptee. I looked at how many children in foster care could have been placed with their own relatives instead of strangers! I looked at the suicide rates of adoptees, many who didn't make it to middle age.

Then I met adoptees. I met outspoken brilliant adoptees who filled me and educated me with a new narrative and perspective.

I thought I was emotionally well when I started my memoir in 2004 and as each year passed I woke up more and more to the truth that I wasn't healed.  I didn't set out to do this work but somehow this work chose me. And as I learned more, I healed more.

So I googled "The Adoption Industry" and found this website. I want you to look at it. I want you to study it as I have. I want you to open your eyes. I want the adoption industry, child traffickers and the adoption agencies to worry that their days are numbered. I want them to feel exposed. I want them to know there is a growing awareness and that the world is watching them. I want them to know that many of us see adoption as trafficking in babies to satisfy infertile couples needs and we know some couples feel important and special for bringing up a child that is not their own offspring. I want those people who adopt to realize we adoptees would never choose to be adopted. We'd rather be raised by family members, whenever it's possible.

Adoptees are Mending the Hoop

I want you readers to know that hundreds of adoptees I have met or talked to are healing too. We are mending the hoop. Some have made the journey back to their first families and tribes and are healing with their entire communities.

Adoptees across the planet are working to unseal our adoption records and change archaic laws so we can all make our journeys home.

Most of all, I want the adoption industry (traffickers) to know who they are dealing with... the light is on...WE are watching and writing and blogging and you can't hide your secrets and greed anymore.