It took many years for the pair to develop a mother-daughter relationship
Sheldon, pictured when she was about three years old. Sheldon has
worked to reconnect and rebuild the relationship with her birth mom
after she was taken away as part of the Sixties Scoop three hours after
birth. (Submitted by Pam Sheldon)
WARNING: This story contains distressing details
Tauni Sheldon remembers the first time she saw her biological mom.
Sheldon was 23 years old.
It was 1993 and she was in the Winnipeg airport, having just flown in with her adoptive parents, Jim and Pam Sheldon.
Her birth mom was waiting at the bottom of the escalator.
"She
had flowers and she looked up at me … and she just said, 'Wow, you're
very tall,'" said Sheldon with a chuckle, adding that her mother is
legally blind, but can see shapes and features.
Sheldon says she towered over her mother's petite frame as the two cried and tried to process what was happening.
"I
was afraid and I was happy and excited, but I was also scared and
angry, and I think it was a whole mix of 'Holy cow, like, this is real
now,' and I think it was the same for her," said Sheldon.
CBC is not identifying Sheldon's birth mother after being unable to speak with her directly.
In 1970, Sheldon's birth mom was flown from Inukjuak, Que., to Thunder Bay, Ont., to give birth.
Sheldon was taken from her just hours after birth, and for more than two decades, her mom had no idea where she was.
Sheldon
was adopted by a white family in southern Ontario. She was part of the
Sixties Scoop — a period when Indigenous children were forcibly removed
from their birth families, those families often having no idea where
their children had gone.
As one of the estimated 20,000 survivors
across Canada, Sheldon has since worked to build a relationship with
her biological mother and move past the anger and trauma that tainted
their relationship for decades.
Advertised for adoption in Toronto newspaper
In 1970, Sheldon's photo was posted in a column in a Toronto newspaper, the Toronto Telegram.
The
advertisement included a description — and used an offensive and
outdated term to describe Inuit, highlighting the racist attitudes
surrounding the Sixties Scoop.
Sheldon compares it to a car ad.
Sheldon is pictured here as a baby and to the right is the newspaper
clipping from the Toronto Telegram that advertised her for interested
parents as an 'Eskimo Baby.' (Submitted by Tauni Sheldon)
"Little
Miss Eskimo can't crawl yet but she moves around anyway, pulling with
her arms and pushing with her sturdy legs. She's big for her age and has
lovely almond-shaped eyes and round cheeks," read the column.
Ten months later, Sheldon was adopted.
Although
she describes her adoptive family as "very loving," Sheldon says she
grew up feeling as though she didn't truly belong in the southern
Ontario town of Milton where they lived.
'I didn't want to be who I was'
Sheldon pictured with her baby brother, Duff Sheldon. Tauni says he
tried to defend her against some of the bullies as a child. (Submitted by Pam Sheldon)
Sheldon
was nine when she first saw the column offering her up for adoption.
She remembers thinking she "didn't want to be Eskimo."
"I
experienced a lot of racism.… I didn't want to be who I was," said
Sheldon. She would get beaten up by bullies, her little brother trying
to protect her.
"I know my [adoptive] parents love me and they
always have and we're very close but just not having any visual
identification with other family or Inuit community, I just didn't know
what to do with any of that and I was angry."
That was no secret to Pam Sheldon, Tauni's adoptive mother.
"I knew she was extremely unhappy," she said.
"She
was kind of introspective. She wasn't a bubbly [or] overly talkative
person. I used to say, 'Still waters run deep.' And so a lot of the
things that happened to her … she didn't share with me."
As Tauni
got older, she did share some of the racism she experienced. One story
from high school stuck out for her adoptive mother.
"One time in
the schoolyard, a bunch of the boys held her down and painted her legs
with Wite-Out … yelling at her that she had to be white. Holy mackerel, I
was just mortified," said Pam.
Sheldon and Tauni Sheldon. Pam says it was only years afterward that
she started hearing about some of the challenges Tauni faced in her
childhood and adulthood. (Submitted by Pam Sheldon)
Adoption challenges
The
struggles Sixties Scoop survivors face as adoptees into white families
are unique, says Raven Sinclair, a research consultant and
retired professor of social work at the University of Regina who is
Cree, Assiniboine, Saulteaux and Métis.
"[Historically] the
mythology of adoption was done for the purpose of inheritance," said
Sinclair, who was adopted by a white family when she was four.
"When
children are adopted it's as if [they are] born to that family and so
that works just fine if the children are the same ethnicity as the
parents.… It doesn't work so well when it's children of colour."
Sinclair
recalls being bullied for being a "brown kid in a white world," and
struggling to connect with her biological family — hoping for a "loving
and nurturing sort of fantasy" that didn't develop right away.
'I didn't know where to start with her'
After Sheldon's reunion with her mom, she says the mother-daughter bond was harder to build than she could have imagined.
"I was just terrified to even ask questions. I didn't know where to start with her," said Sheldon.
"We wanted instant mother-daughter [relationship], but it didn't happen."
Although
the pair stayed in touch, there was a symbolic wall between them, says
Sheldon. A big part of that had to do with how her mother began to
relive having Sheldon taken away.
"At that time, there was a lot of anger and a lot of rage.… We left it alone for a lot of years," said Sheldon.
She initially felt that she didn't deserve to learn traditional culture or language because she didn't grow up in Nunavik.
"I
feel like I [still] don't deserve these things unfortunately," she
said. "So as an adult, I'm trying to put that aside and remind myself I
am who I am."
Opening 'our eyes to each other'
Things changed for the better between the pair in 2003, at Sheldon's wedding.
She recalls her mom making a moving toast.
"She
stood up and told the story of how I was taken away from her.… That
just opened our eyes to each other a little more," said Sheldon.
"Finally, there was a time where it changed. We could start talking
about it."
In the following years, they became closer as Sheldon welcomed her son, Aalpi, her birth mother's only grandchild.
Things also started to change following her birth mom's cancer diagnosis in April 2021.
Sheldon became her medical escort, travelling with her from her home in Ospringe, Ont., to Montreal for treatment.
During those trips, there was time for her mother to reflect on her life and her family.
Sheldon, pictured with her son, Aalpi Inuluk. In 2007 she had her birth
mom travel to Ontario to meet him, her only grandchild. (Submitted by Pam Sheldon)
"She
talked about my father a little bit more to me … and I know my parents
did love one another because that's always been a mystery to me," said
Sheldon, adding that her father was also legally blind and met her mom
at a Canadian National Institute for the Blind home in Toronto. Sheldon
reconnected with her birth father as an adult, before he died in 2007.
One of Sheldon's most precious memories is her 50th birthday in 2019. It was the first she spent with her birth mother.
Her mom sang "Happy Birthday" in Inuktitut as they both sobbed.
"And
she said, 'I'm so happy that we're celebrating your birthday
together,'" recalled Sheldon. "'This is the first time since you were
taken from me.'"
Support is available for anyone affected by their experience as part of the Sixties Scoop or residential schools.
A
national Indian Residential School Crisis Line has been set up to
provide support for former students and those affected. People can
access emotional and crisis referral services by calling the 24-hour
national crisis line: 1-866-925-4419.
Mental health
counselling and crisis support is also available 24 hours a day, seven
days a week through the Hope for Wellness hotline at 1-855-242-3310 or
by online chat at www.hopeforwellness.ca.
This is so moving. It struck a note with me since in my adoptive family there were two blind people. So many challenges. I'm so glad they met. Celebrating a birthday with her first mother made me cry. A birthday is a sad day for many adoptees, and that would have been so healing. Miigwech for sharing the story.
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