BACK UP BLOG

This blog is a backup for American Indian Adoptees blog
There might be some duplicate posts prior to 2020. I am trying to delete them when I find them. Sorry!

SURVEY FOR ALL FIRST NATIONS ADOPTEES

SURVEY FOR ALL FIRST NATIONS ADOPTEES
ADOPTEES - we are doing a COUNT

If you need support

Support Info: If you are a Survivor and need emotional support, a national crisis line is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week: Residential School Survivor Support Line: 1-866-925-4419. Additional Health Support Information: Emotional, cultural, and professional support services are also available to Survivors and their families through the Indian Residential Schools Resolution Health Support Program. Services can be accessed on an individual, family, or group basis.” These & regional support phone numbers are found at https://nctr.ca/contact/survivors/ . MY EMAIL: tracelara@pm.me

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Adoptive Couple v. Baby Girl Update

By Liberty on Lost Daughters Blog, May 29, 2013
This post revisits the adoption dispute between a South Carolina couple and the Cherokee father of the girl they thought they'd legally adopted, which I wrote about here. After a not-so-by-the-book adoption, the well-meaning family brought their new daughter back to South Carolina. The father, who had been fighting for custody of his daughter for months after mistakenly signing away his rights, took the case to the South Carolina court, which ruled in his favor due to the Indian Child Welfare Act. In the year since, the adoptive couple launched an online campaign called "saveveronica", and brought the case to the Supreme Court, which heard the case last month. The court is set to rule sometime in June.

It's the lack of nuance that really gets me. People toss all manner of bitterness into the Internet, and comments on the story tend to demonize the father and heroize the adoptive parents. That's not fair and it's not the whole picture. And imagine the compartmentalization that has to happen in their minds--(birth father = bad; adoptive parents = good; therefore, child, who is biologically related to birth father = ?)   I'm not talking exclusively about the adoptive parents--I'm referring to the band-wagon-jumpers who have to throw their two cents in and call the birth father a "loser" and worse.

Even the words "save veronica" are painful. "Save" implies that the girl is in danger. Save her from her father? From the Indians? Really they mean "bring her back to us". Not that their desire is inappropriate--of course we can understand their feelings of loss. But let's call it what it is.

This comic highlights the irony:

Used with permission by the artist; Marty Two Bulls http://www.m2bulls.com

I'd like to know more about how the little girl has fared since living with her father. In a disappointingly unbalanced article on NPR, the writer admits in one line that, "No one disputes that she was sublimely happy with her adoptive parents, and videos of her with her father, now married, seem to show a little girl equally happy."

"No one disputes" the "sublime happiness" of the girl with the adoptive parents. Yet evidence of her life with her father merely "seems to show" happiness.

There are all sorts of privilege issues this case bring to the surface: Adoptive parents v. birth parents. Married parents v. single parent. White people v. Native American. Birth mother v. birth father.
Bottom of the hierarchy of "rights" is often birth fathers, it seems. In a comment on my last post about this case, a birth father wrote: 

"As a birthfather who has been separated from his child, and having been through a 2 year legal battle to for full custody and ending up with practically no rights, I am sympathetic to [Dusten] in this scenario. The birthfather is almost always treated as the bad guy, and the legal system is generally stacked against him - not to mention the adoption agencies, social workers, and birthmothers. The phrase "best interest of the child" is thrown around in courtrooms and blogs in way that is unilaterally synonymous with "best interest of the adoptive parents and birthmother". Way to go Dusten for getting your kid back!! I tried to do so and it left me emotionally, mentally, and financially devastated, with serious stress-related health complications to boot. I can only imagine the effort that this man has put into being present for his daughter. There are, of course, legitimate concerns about the effect of the transition on the child. Surely there is some immediate negative psychological effect from being placed into a new home at the age of 2. Hopefully the long term benefits of being with her biological family in a culturally appropriate environment outweigh and counterbalance these short term challenges. To clarify, I am not without sympathy for the adoptive parents - it must be a tremendous loss for them as well. It's a shame that birthfathers are kept dumb and in the dark in adoption scenarios, otherwise such heartbreak could be avoided."

I'm nervous for the Supreme Court ruling. It's hard even for me to write about it--it literally makes my heart rate increase. I'm sad for the adoptive parents who feel they got slighted. But honestly I'm even more sad for the birth father and all the backlash against him. And the little girl too--what trauma she's been through (and what more trauma might await her if the court says she should be removed again and taken to live with the adoptive parents whom she hasn't seen for a year!) I hope that all those nasty comments about Native Americans and about her father will be gone from the Internet by the time she is able to read them. I hope society as a whole will embrace a more balanced viewpoint about adoption by the time she can read, too.

Adoptive Couple v. Baby Girl Update










By Liberty on Lost Daughters Blog, May 29, 2013











This post revisits
the adoption dispute between a South Carolina couple and the Cherokee father of
the girl they thought they'd legally adopted, which I wrote about here. After a not-so-by-the-book adoption, the well-meaning
family brought their new daughter back to South Carolina. The father, who had
been fighting for custody of his daughter for months after mistakenly signing
away his rights, took the case to the South Carolina court, which ruled in his
favor due to the Indian Child Welfare Act. In the year since, the adoptive
couple launched an online campaign called "saveveronica", and brought the case
to the Supreme Court, which heard the case last month. The court is set to rule
sometime in June.

It's the lack of nuance that really gets me. People
toss all manner of bitterness into the Internet, and comments on the story tend
to demonize the father and heroize the adoptive parents. That's not fair and
it's not the whole picture. And imagine the compartmentalization that has to
happen in their minds--(birth father = bad; adoptive parents = good; therefore,
child, who is biologically related to birth father = ?)   I'm not talking
exclusively about the adoptive parents--I'm referring to the band-wagon-jumpers
who have to throw their two cents in and call the birth father a "loser" and
worse.

Even the words "save veronica" are painful. "Save" implies that
the girl is in danger. Save her from her father? From the Indians? Really they
mean "bring her back to us". Not that their desire is inappropriate--of course
we can understand their feelings of loss. But let's call it what it
is.

This comic highlights the irony:









Used
with permission by the artist; Marty Two Bulls
 http://www.m2bulls.com



I'd like to know more about how the
little girl has fared since living with her father. In a disappointingly
unbalanced article on NPR, the writer admits in one line that, "No one
disputes that she was sublimely happy with her adoptive parents, and videos of
her with her father, now married, seem to show a little girl equally
happy."


"No one disputes" the "sublime happiness" of the girl with the
adoptive parents. Yet evidence of her life with her father merely "seems to
show" happiness.

There are all sorts of privilege issues this case bring
to the surface: Adoptive parents v. birth parents. Married parents v. single
parent. White people v. Native American. Birth mother v. birth father.


Bottom of the hierarchy of "rights" is
often birth fathers, it seems. In a comment on my last post about this case, a
birth father wrote: 


"As a birthfather who has been separated from his
child, and having been through a 2 year legal battle to for full custody and
ending up with practically no rights, I am sympathetic to [Dusten] in this
scenario. The birthfather is almost always treated as the bad guy, and the legal
system is generally stacked against him - not to mention the adoption agencies,
social workers, and birthmothers. The phrase "best interest of the child" is
thrown around in courtrooms and blogs in way that is unilaterally synonymous
with "best interest of the adoptive parents and birthmother". Way to go Dusten
for getting your kid back!! I tried to do so and it left me emotionally,
mentally, and financially devastated, with serious stress-related health
complications to boot. I can only imagine the effort that this man has put into
being present for his daughter. There are, of course, legitimate concerns about
the effect of the transition on the child. Surely there is some immediate
negative psychological effect from being placed into a new home at the age of 2.
Hopefully the long term benefits of being with her biological family in a
culturally appropriate environment outweigh and counterbalance these short term
challenges. To clarify, I am not without sympathy for the adoptive parents - it
must be a tremendous loss for them as well. It's a shame that birthfathers are
kept dumb and in the dark in adoption scenarios, otherwise such heartbreak could
be avoided."

I'm nervous for the Supreme Court ruling. It's hard even for
me to write about it--it literally makes my heart rate increase. I'm sad for the
adoptive parents who feel they got slighted. But honestly I'm even more sad for
the birth father and all the backlash against him. And the little girl too--what
trauma she's been through (and what more trauma might await her if the court
says she should be removed again and taken to live with the adoptive
parents whom she hasn't seen for a year!) I hope that all those nasty comments
about Native Americans and about her father will be gone from the Internet by
the time she is able to read them. I hope society as a whole will embrace a more
balanced viewpoint about adoption by the time she can read, too.











Adoptive Couple v. Baby Girl Update

By Liberty on Lost Daughters Blog, May 29, 2013
This post revisits the adoption dispute between a South Carolina couple and the Cherokee father of the girl they thought they'd legally adopted, which I wrote about here. After a not-so-by-the-book adoption, the well-meaning family brought their new daughter back to South Carolina. The father, who had been fighting for custody of his daughter for months after mistakenly signing away his rights, took the case to the South Carolina court, which ruled in his favor due to the Indian Child Welfare Act. In the year since, the adoptive couple launched an online campaign called "saveveronica", and brought the case to the Supreme Court, which heard the case last month. The court is set to rule sometime in June.

It's the lack of nuance that really gets me. People toss all manner of bitterness into the Internet, and comments on the story tend to demonize the father and heroize the adoptive parents. That's not fair and it's not the whole picture. And imagine the compartmentalization that has to happen in their minds--(birth father = bad; adoptive parents = good; therefore, child, who is biologically related to birth father = ?)   I'm not talking exclusively about the adoptive parents--I'm referring to the band-wagon-jumpers who have to throw their two cents in and call the birth father a "loser" and worse.

Even the words "save veronica" are painful. "Save" implies that the girl is in danger. Save her from her father? From the Indians? Really they mean "bring her back to us". Not that their desire is inappropriate--of course we can understand their feelings of loss. But let's call it what it is.

This comic highlights the irony:

Used with permission by the artist; Marty Two Bulls http://www.m2bulls.com

I'd like to know more about how the little girl has fared since living with her father. In a disappointingly unbalanced article on NPR, the writer admits in one line that, "No one disputes that she was sublimely happy with her adoptive parents, and videos of her with her father, now married, seem to show a little girl equally happy."

"No one disputes" the "sublime happiness" of the girl with the adoptive parents. Yet evidence of her life with her father merely "seems to show" happiness.

There are all sorts of privilege issues this case bring to the surface: Adoptive parents v. birth parents. Married parents v. single parent. White people v. Native American. Birth mother v. birth father.
Bottom of the hierarchy of "rights" is often birth fathers, it seems. In a comment on my last post about this case, a birth father wrote: 

"As a birthfather who has been separated from his child, and having been through a 2 year legal battle to for full custody and ending up with practically no rights, I am sympathetic to [Dusten] in this scenario. The birthfather is almost always treated as the bad guy, and the legal system is generally stacked against him - not to mention the adoption agencies, social workers, and birthmothers. The phrase "best interest of the child" is thrown around in courtrooms and blogs in way that is unilaterally synonymous with "best interest of the adoptive parents and birthmother". Way to go Dusten for getting your kid back!! I tried to do so and it left me emotionally, mentally, and financially devastated, with serious stress-related health complications to boot. I can only imagine the effort that this man has put into being present for his daughter. There are, of course, legitimate concerns about the effect of the transition on the child. Surely there is some immediate negative psychological effect from being placed into a new home at the age of 2. Hopefully the long term benefits of being with her biological family in a culturally appropriate environment outweigh and counterbalance these short term challenges. To clarify, I am not without sympathy for the adoptive parents - it must be a tremendous loss for them as well. It's a shame that birthfathers are kept dumb and in the dark in adoption scenarios, otherwise such heartbreak could be avoided."

I'm nervous for the Supreme Court ruling. It's hard even for me to write about it--it literally makes my heart rate increase. I'm sad for the adoptive parents who feel they got slighted. But honestly I'm even more sad for the birth father and all the backlash against him. And the little girl too--what trauma she's been through (and what more trauma might await her if the court says she should be removed again and taken to live with the adoptive parents whom she hasn't seen for a year!) I hope that all those nasty comments about Native Americans and about her father will be gone from the Internet by the time she is able to read them. I hope society as a whole will embrace a more balanced viewpoint about adoption by the time she can read, too.

Adoptive Couple v. Baby Girl Update

By Liberty on Lost Daughters Blog, May 29, 2013
This post revisits the adoption dispute between a South Carolina couple and the Cherokee father of the girl they thought they'd legally adopted, which I wrote about here. After a not-so-by-the-book adoption, the well-meaning family brought their new daughter back to South Carolina. The father, who had been fighting for custody of his daughter for months after mistakenly signing away his rights, took the case to the South Carolina court, which ruled in his favor due to the Indian Child Welfare Act. In the year since, the adoptive couple launched an online campaign called "saveveronica", and brought the case to the Supreme Court, which heard the case last month. The court is set to rule sometime in June.

It's the lack of nuance that really gets me. People toss all manner of bitterness into the Internet, and comments on the story tend to demonize the father and heroize the adoptive parents. That's not fair and it's not the whole picture. And imagine the compartmentalization that has to happen in their minds--(birth father = bad; adoptive parents = good; therefore, child, who is biologically related to birth father = ?)   I'm not talking exclusively about the adoptive parents--I'm referring to the band-wagon-jumpers who have to throw their two cents in and call the birth father a "loser" and worse.

Even the words "save veronica" are painful. "Save" implies that the girl is in danger. Save her from her father? From the Indians? Really they mean "bring her back to us". Not that their desire is inappropriate--of course we can understand their feelings of loss. But let's call it what it is.

This comic highlights the irony:

Used with permission by the artist; Marty Two Bulls http://www.m2bulls.com

I'd like to know more about how the little girl has fared since living with her father. In a disappointingly unbalanced article on NPR, the writer admits in one line that, "No one disputes that she was sublimely happy with her adoptive parents, and videos of her with her father, now married, seem to show a little girl equally happy."

"No one disputes" the "sublime happiness" of the girl with the adoptive parents. Yet evidence of her life with her father merely "seems to show" happiness.

There are all sorts of privilege issues this case bring to the surface: Adoptive parents v. birth parents. Married parents v. single parent. White people v. Native American. Birth mother v. birth father.
Bottom of the hierarchy of "rights" is often birth fathers, it seems. In a comment on my last post about this case, a birth father wrote: 

"As a birthfather who has been separated from his child, and having been through a 2 year legal battle to for full custody and ending up with practically no rights, I am sympathetic to [Dusten] in this scenario. The birthfather is almost always treated as the bad guy, and the legal system is generally stacked against him - not to mention the adoption agencies, social workers, and birthmothers. The phrase "best interest of the child" is thrown around in courtrooms and blogs in way that is unilaterally synonymous with "best interest of the adoptive parents and birthmother". Way to go Dusten for getting your kid back!! I tried to do so and it left me emotionally, mentally, and financially devastated, with serious stress-related health complications to boot. I can only imagine the effort that this man has put into being present for his daughter. There are, of course, legitimate concerns about the effect of the transition on the child. Surely there is some immediate negative psychological effect from being placed into a new home at the age of 2. Hopefully the long term benefits of being with her biological family in a culturally appropriate environment outweigh and counterbalance these short term challenges. To clarify, I am not without sympathy for the adoptive parents - it must be a tremendous loss for them as well. It's a shame that birthfathers are kept dumb and in the dark in adoption scenarios, otherwise such heartbreak could be avoided."

I'm nervous for the Supreme Court ruling. It's hard even for me to write about it--it literally makes my heart rate increase. I'm sad for the adoptive parents who feel they got slighted. But honestly I'm even more sad for the birth father and all the backlash against him. And the little girl too--what trauma she's been through (and what more trauma might await her if the court says she should be removed again and taken to live with the adoptive parents whom she hasn't seen for a year!) I hope that all those nasty comments about Native Americans and about her father will be gone from the Internet by the time she is able to read them. I hope society as a whole will embrace a more balanced viewpoint about adoption by the time she can read, too.

Adoptive Couple v. Baby Girl Update

By Liberty on Lost Daughters Blog, May 29, 2013
This post revisits the adoption dispute between a South Carolina couple and the Cherokee father of the girl they thought they'd legally adopted, which I wrote about here. After a not-so-by-the-book adoption, the well-meaning family brought their new daughter back to South Carolina. The father, who had been fighting for custody of his daughter for months after mistakenly signing away his rights, took the case to the South Carolina court, which ruled in his favor due to the Indian Child Welfare Act. In the year since, the adoptive couple launched an online campaign called "saveveronica", and brought the case to the Supreme Court, which heard the case last month. The court is set to rule sometime in June.

It's the lack of nuance that really gets me. People toss all manner of bitterness into the Internet, and comments on the story tend to demonize the father and heroize the adoptive parents. That's not fair and it's not the whole picture. And imagine the compartmentalization that has to happen in their minds--(birth father = bad; adoptive parents = good; therefore, child, who is biologically related to birth father = ?)   I'm not talking exclusively about the adoptive parents--I'm referring to the band-wagon-jumpers who have to throw their two cents in and call the birth father a "loser" and worse.

Even the words "save veronica" are painful. "Save" implies that the girl is in danger. Save her from her father? From the Indians? Really they mean "bring her back to us". Not that their desire is inappropriate--of course we can understand their feelings of loss. But let's call it what it is.

This comic highlights the irony:

Used with permission by the artist; Marty Two Bulls http://www.m2bulls.com

I'd like to know more about how the little girl has fared since living with her father. In a disappointingly unbalanced article on NPR, the writer admits in one line that, "No one disputes that she was sublimely happy with her adoptive parents, and videos of her with her father, now married, seem to show a little girl equally happy."

"No one disputes" the "sublime happiness" of the girl with the adoptive parents. Yet evidence of her life with her father merely "seems to show" happiness.

There are all sorts of privilege issues this case bring to the surface: Adoptive parents v. birth parents. Married parents v. single parent. White people v. Native American. Birth mother v. birth father.
Bottom of the hierarchy of "rights" is often birth fathers, it seems. In a comment on my last post about this case, a birth father wrote: 

"As a birthfather who has been separated from his child, and having been through a 2 year legal battle to for full custody and ending up with practically no rights, I am sympathetic to [Dusten] in this scenario. The birthfather is almost always treated as the bad guy, and the legal system is generally stacked against him - not to mention the adoption agencies, social workers, and birthmothers. The phrase "best interest of the child" is thrown around in courtrooms and blogs in way that is unilaterally synonymous with "best interest of the adoptive parents and birthmother". Way to go Dusten for getting your kid back!! I tried to do so and it left me emotionally, mentally, and financially devastated, with serious stress-related health complications to boot. I can only imagine the effort that this man has put into being present for his daughter. There are, of course, legitimate concerns about the effect of the transition on the child. Surely there is some immediate negative psychological effect from being placed into a new home at the age of 2. Hopefully the long term benefits of being with her biological family in a culturally appropriate environment outweigh and counterbalance these short term challenges. To clarify, I am not without sympathy for the adoptive parents - it must be a tremendous loss for them as well. It's a shame that birthfathers are kept dumb and in the dark in adoption scenarios, otherwise such heartbreak could be avoided."

I'm nervous for the Supreme Court ruling. It's hard even for me to write about it--it literally makes my heart rate increase. I'm sad for the adoptive parents who feel they got slighted. But honestly I'm even more sad for the birth father and all the backlash against him. And the little girl too--what trauma she's been through (and what more trauma might await her if the court says she should be removed again and taken to live with the adoptive parents whom she hasn't seen for a year!) I hope that all those nasty comments about Native Americans and about her father will be gone from the Internet by the time she is able to read them. I hope society as a whole will embrace a more balanced viewpoint about adoption by the time she can read, too.

Adoptive Couple v. Baby Girl Update

By Liberty on Lost Daughters Blog, May 29, 2013
This post revisits the adoption dispute between a South Carolina couple and the Cherokee father of the girl they thought they'd legally adopted, which I wrote about here. After a not-so-by-the-book adoption, the well-meaning family brought their new daughter back to South Carolina. The father, who had been fighting for custody of his daughter for months after mistakenly signing away his rights, took the case to the South Carolina court, which ruled in his favor due to the Indian Child Welfare Act. In the year since, the adoptive couple launched an online campaign called "saveveronica", and brought the case to the Supreme Court, which heard the case last month. The court is set to rule sometime in June.

It's the lack of nuance that really gets me. People toss all manner of bitterness into the Internet, and comments on the story tend to demonize the father and heroize the adoptive parents. That's not fair and it's not the whole picture. And imagine the compartmentalization that has to happen in their minds--(birth father = bad; adoptive parents = good; therefore, child, who is biologically related to birth father = ?)   I'm not talking exclusively about the adoptive parents--I'm referring to the band-wagon-jumpers who have to throw their two cents in and call the birth father a "loser" and worse.

Even the words "save veronica" are painful. "Save" implies that the girl is in danger. Save her from her father? From the Indians? Really they mean "bring her back to us". Not that their desire is inappropriate--of course we can understand their feelings of loss. But let's call it what it is.

This comic highlights the irony:

Used with permission by the artist; Marty Two Bulls http://www.m2bulls.com

I'd like to know more about how the little girl has fared since living with her father. In a disappointingly unbalanced article on NPR, the writer admits in one line that, "No one disputes that she was sublimely happy with her adoptive parents, and videos of her with her father, now married, seem to show a little girl equally happy."

"No one disputes" the "sublime happiness" of the girl with the adoptive parents. Yet evidence of her life with her father merely "seems to show" happiness.

There are all sorts of privilege issues this case bring to the surface: Adoptive parents v. birth parents. Married parents v. single parent. White people v. Native American. Birth mother v. birth father.
Bottom of the hierarchy of "rights" is often birth fathers, it seems. In a comment on my last post about this case, a birth father wrote: 

"As a birthfather who has been separated from his child, and having been through a 2 year legal battle to for full custody and ending up with practically no rights, I am sympathetic to [Dusten] in this scenario. The birthfather is almost always treated as the bad guy, and the legal system is generally stacked against him - not to mention the adoption agencies, social workers, and birthmothers. The phrase "best interest of the child" is thrown around in courtrooms and blogs in way that is unilaterally synonymous with "best interest of the adoptive parents and birthmother". Way to go Dusten for getting your kid back!! I tried to do so and it left me emotionally, mentally, and financially devastated, with serious stress-related health complications to boot. I can only imagine the effort that this man has put into being present for his daughter. There are, of course, legitimate concerns about the effect of the transition on the child. Surely there is some immediate negative psychological effect from being placed into a new home at the age of 2. Hopefully the long term benefits of being with her biological family in a culturally appropriate environment outweigh and counterbalance these short term challenges. To clarify, I am not without sympathy for the adoptive parents - it must be a tremendous loss for them as well. It's a shame that birthfathers are kept dumb and in the dark in adoption scenarios, otherwise such heartbreak could be avoided."

I'm nervous for the Supreme Court ruling. It's hard even for me to write about it--it literally makes my heart rate increase. I'm sad for the adoptive parents who feel they got slighted. But honestly I'm even more sad for the birth father and all the backlash against him. And the little girl too--what trauma she's been through (and what more trauma might await her if the court says she should be removed again and taken to live with the adoptive parents whom she hasn't seen for a year!) I hope that all those nasty comments about Native Americans and about her father will be gone from the Internet by the time she is able to read them. I hope society as a whole will embrace a more balanced viewpoint about adoption by the time she can read, too.

Adoptive Couple v. Baby Girl Update

By Liberty on Lost Daughters Blog, May 29, 2013
This post revisits the adoption dispute between a South Carolina couple and the Cherokee father of the girl they thought they'd legally adopted, which I wrote about here. After a not-so-by-the-book adoption, the well-meaning family brought their new daughter back to South Carolina. The father, who had been fighting for custody of his daughter for months after mistakenly signing away his rights, took the case to the South Carolina court, which ruled in his favor due to the Indian Child Welfare Act. In the year since, the adoptive couple launched an online campaign called "saveveronica", and brought the case to the Supreme Court, which heard the case last month. The court is set to rule sometime in June.

It's the lack of nuance that really gets me. People toss all manner of bitterness into the Internet, and comments on the story tend to demonize the father and heroize the adoptive parents. That's not fair and it's not the whole picture. And imagine the compartmentalization that has to happen in their minds--(birth father = bad; adoptive parents = good; therefore, child, who is biologically related to birth father = ?)   I'm not talking exclusively about the adoptive parents--I'm referring to the band-wagon-jumpers who have to throw their two cents in and call the birth father a "loser" and worse.

Even the words "save veronica" are painful. "Save" implies that the girl is in danger. Save her from her father? From the Indians? Really they mean "bring her back to us". Not that their desire is inappropriate--of course we can understand their feelings of loss. But let's call it what it is.

This comic highlights the irony:

Used with permission by the artist; Marty Two Bulls http://www.m2bulls.com

I'd like to know more about how the little girl has fared since living with her father. In a disappointingly unbalanced article on NPR, the writer admits in one line that, "No one disputes that she was sublimely happy with her adoptive parents, and videos of her with her father, now married, seem to show a little girl equally happy."

"No one disputes" the "sublime happiness" of the girl with the adoptive parents. Yet evidence of her life with her father merely "seems to show" happiness.

There are all sorts of privilege issues this case bring to the surface: Adoptive parents v. birth parents. Married parents v. single parent. White people v. Native American. Birth mother v. birth father.
Bottom of the hierarchy of "rights" is often birth fathers, it seems. In a comment on my last post about this case, a birth father wrote: 

"As a birthfather who has been separated from his child, and having been through a 2 year legal battle to for full custody and ending up with practically no rights, I am sympathetic to [Dusten] in this scenario. The birthfather is almost always treated as the bad guy, and the legal system is generally stacked against him - not to mention the adoption agencies, social workers, and birthmothers. The phrase "best interest of the child" is thrown around in courtrooms and blogs in way that is unilaterally synonymous with "best interest of the adoptive parents and birthmother". Way to go Dusten for getting your kid back!! I tried to do so and it left me emotionally, mentally, and financially devastated, with serious stress-related health complications to boot. I can only imagine the effort that this man has put into being present for his daughter. There are, of course, legitimate concerns about the effect of the transition on the child. Surely there is some immediate negative psychological effect from being placed into a new home at the age of 2. Hopefully the long term benefits of being with her biological family in a culturally appropriate environment outweigh and counterbalance these short term challenges. To clarify, I am not without sympathy for the adoptive parents - it must be a tremendous loss for them as well. It's a shame that birthfathers are kept dumb and in the dark in adoption scenarios, otherwise such heartbreak could be avoided."

I'm nervous for the Supreme Court ruling. It's hard even for me to write about it--it literally makes my heart rate increase. I'm sad for the adoptive parents who feel they got slighted. But honestly I'm even more sad for the birth father and all the backlash against him. And the little girl too--what trauma she's been through (and what more trauma might await her if the court says she should be removed again and taken to live with the adoptive parents whom she hasn't seen for a year!) I hope that all those nasty comments about Native Americans and about her father will be gone from the Internet by the time she is able to read them. I hope society as a whole will embrace a more balanced viewpoint about adoption by the time she can read, too.

Monday, May 27, 2013

Mesnak, indie adoption film (Canada)





The Canadian film Mesnak, which won Best Film, Best Actor (Victor Andres Trelles Turgeon), and Best Actress (Eve Ringuette) awards. Mesnak tells the story of a Native man who was adopted as a toddler and is now living in Montreal and working as an actor. He returns to the reserve where he was born and meets his mother and people for, essentially, the first time, and his struggles with his identity mirror those of the character he's been rehearsing—the lead in Shakespeare's Hamlet.
Read more at http://indiancountrytodaymedianetwork.com/article/mesnak-wins-big-at-american-indian-film-festival-145730
 
FILM REVIEW:
Mesnak: the snapping turtle. Mesnak, the guardian spirit of the river, the forest, the Innu land. Mesnak, totem animal of a man who is now dead. Stumbling through the dark, hissing, he has a glowering presence that is felt throughout this film, evoking the crabs and flamingoes of Herzog or the owls of Lynch.
Into this land comes Dave (Victor Andres Turgeon-Trelles), the recipient of a cryptic message from an unknown sender, looking for his birth mother. Dave was adopted at the age of three and spirited away to the city; he has persuaded himself he can remember nothing of the time before. Upon arriving in the village of his birth he finds the people suspicious, learns that his mother is about to get married. He meets a brash young woman, Osalic (Eve Ringuette), with a painful secret of her own. The two find a point of mutual sympathy in a brutal world, but could it be there undoing?
Mesnak has to be up there with the very best screen adaptations of Hamlet. In part this is because of its decision - stated at the start, when Dave participates in an audition - to focus on the play's subtler themes. Redemption, loneliness and the connection of justice to something otherworldly are at the heart of it. The curiously fragile Osalic, seeking refuge in ancient Innu rituals, is an Ophelia whose connection with the supernatural becomes central to the tale. Marco Collin makes a curiously sympathic Claudius (or Claude) who seems to have genuine love for Gertrude (Kathia Rock), but to be no less guilty for it. Gertrude's connection with her son, when they finally meet, is unmistakably erotic, an intensity of repressed emotion which, unspoken, dominates them both.
Shot in tones of orange and brown that root it firmly in the earth, in a rural environment where the land dominates the people, Mesnak shifts sharply into greys and blues when we meet the turtle. Low, sensuous sound work creates an uneasy atmosphere. What is spoken is only the surface; there are several narratives at work here as Dave strives with increasing desperation to take control of his own destiny. His ordinariness and lack of pretension make him perhaps the most sympathetic Hamlet to date.
An ambitious transposition like this could easily have been a disaster. Mesnak not only gets away with it but delivers something that feels as though it ought always to have been told this way. It's the story of something bigger than revenge. It ought not to be missed.
Reviewed on: 30 Jan 2012

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Sisters reunited after adoption


http://youtu.be/q-EQkiL5_38



During a track meet in DC, girls on one team noticed a girl on the other team looked strikingly similar to a teammate of theirs.  What happened afterwards was nothing short of a miracle.  Click on video to find out.



Stories like this need more exposure...how we adoptees find family is so important...this story is another example of how important it is to find our family, our siblings and our identity after adoption!  Trace

Sisters reunited after adoption

http://youtu.be/q-EQkiL5_38

During a track meet in DC, girls on one team noticed a girl on the other team looked strikingly similar to a teammate of theirs.  What happened afterwards was nothing short of a miracle.  Click on video to find out.

Stories like this need more exposure...how we adoptees find family is so important...this story is another example of how important it is to find our family, our siblings and our identity after adoption!  Trace

Sisters reunited after adoption

http://youtu.be/q-EQkiL5_38

During a track meet in DC, girls on one team noticed a girl on the other team looked strikingly similar to a teammate of theirs.  What happened afterwards was nothing short of a miracle.  Click on video to find out.

Stories like this need more exposure...how we adoptees find family is so important...this story is another example of how important it is to find our family, our siblings and our identity after adoption!  Trace

Sisters reunited after adoption

http://youtu.be/q-EQkiL5_38

During a track meet in DC, girls on one team noticed a girl on the other team looked strikingly similar to a teammate of theirs.  What happened afterwards was nothing short of a miracle.  Click on video to find out.

Stories like this need more exposure...how we adoptees find family is so important...this story is another example of how important it is to find our family, our siblings and our identity after adoption!  Trace

Sisters reunited after adoption

http://youtu.be/q-EQkiL5_38

During a track meet in DC, girls on one team noticed a girl on the other team looked strikingly similar to a teammate of theirs.  What happened afterwards was nothing short of a miracle.  Click on video to find out.

Stories like this need more exposure...how we adoptees find family is so important...this story is another example of how important it is to find our family, our siblings and our identity after adoption!  Trace

Sisters reunited after adoption

http://youtu.be/q-EQkiL5_38

During a track meet in DC, girls on one team noticed a girl on the other team looked strikingly similar to a teammate of theirs.  What happened afterwards was nothing short of a miracle.  Click on video to find out.

Stories like this need more exposure...how we adoptees find family is so important...this story is another example of how important it is to find our family, our siblings and our identity after adoption!  Trace

Friday, May 24, 2013

WA state Native adoptees - GOOD NEWS

BIG NEWS! Wanted to let you all know that Governor Inslee signed the original birth certificate (OBC) bill (HB 1525) this week.  What this means is that after June 30, 2014, Washington state adoptees will be able to get a copy of their original birth certificate as long as their birth parent hasn't filled out a veto preventing them from getting their own birth record.

We worked hard to get the veto removed but certain legislators were hellbent on making sure there was a veto option for birth parents, and ultimately they got their way.

Statistics from other states show that the majority of WA adoptees will be able to get their OBC, which is good. It's just sad (and maddening) that there will be some adoptees who will be denied.
FOR ALL OF YOU WANTING TO GET YOUR OBC NEXT YEAR WHEN THE LAW GOES INTO EFFECT, WE ADVISE YOU REQUEST THAT OBC ASAP. Most vetoes will be filled out
the first year or two, so best to request it quickly next year.
-Penni

Washington State Adoptee Rights Bill

Website:   Washington Coalition for Adoptee Rights & Equality
Email: washingtonadopteerights@gmail.com

NOTE: We posted about this pending legislation on this blog... There are 24 tribes in WA state - that is one of the states where Native American children were taken as part of the Indian Adoption Projects!  I know many adoptees from there. So happy we have movement on opening adoption records, finding tribal relatives and OBC access. Sad there is a veto clause...Trace

Thursday, May 23, 2013

PTSD - what can help

 What You CAN Do to Support a Trauma Survivor

"...If you’re living with someone battling PTSD, make sure you have a friend you can vent to, and consider seeing a therapist occasionally who can give you your own set of coping tools and help keep you on track as a support person. It’s worth it, because the tremendous shift in the sufferer’s personality and identity will be a shock, to say the least. It’s common and understandable for friends and family to experience feelings of anger, fear, doubt and uncertainty, frustration, impatience, and irritability. They may feel stretched thin at times and unsure of how to go on...."

Read more at Laura Dennis' blog: http://www.laura-dennis.com/what-you-can-do-to-support-a-trauma-survivor/
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Saturday, May 18, 2013

How We Heal

I wrote a guest post "HOW WE HEAL" for our friend Jonathan Brooks fantastic website/blog: Spirit Bear Coaching.  Jonathan shared his incredible adoption journey and reunion in the anthology TWO WORLDS: Lost Children of the Indian Adoption Projects.

Read my post here: http://spiritbearcoaching.com/how-we-heal/

Excerpt:
"How we heal from this history is to know this happened to children. We can find ways to repatriate these children back to their tribes and help them to reconnect. We can unseal their adoption records and enroll these children as members of their tribes. Sharing the truth about the Indian Adoption Projects will assure these governments never attempt this again. That is how we heal."


Read this: Native American hopes adoption story will give strength to others: http://spiritbearcoaching.com/native-american-hopes-adoption-story-will-give-strength-to-others/

AND Two Worlds has been chosen by Brock University in Canada to be their "BROCK READS" textbook for the 2013-2014 school year, which is a high honor! 

The ebook TWO WORLDS is available for every e-reader like the KOBO and NOOK. It's all good! Trace

Friday, May 17, 2013

PTSD and Post-Adoption Issues–What NOT to Say

I wrote about my own post-traumatic stress disorder in my memoir One Small Sacrifice. The key for me is (and was) processing emotions and knowing my self once I had the truth...
Here is a must-read column: http://www.laura-dennis.com/trauma-adoption-ptsd/

Excerpt:

“Here’s what you need to do...”

Here’s the truth: I have no idea what you specifically need to do to process yourself. To heal. I have no freakin’ clue. I can only offer suggestions, things that have worked for myself and others. And I can try to provide insight and resources for adoptees (and those who support them) as they emerge from the fog and attempt to deal with their pain, grief and loss.
So, you may be wondering why I’m
constantly
blogging about adoption, when I feel like I’ve processed my grief, my “what ifs,” and I’m even in a place where I can make jokes about my own secondary rejection.
That’s the thing … It’s because, like Juanima with PTSD, I’ve been at the bottom of the valley. I drove myself crazy, literally crazy trying to be the perfect person, the grateful adoptee. Because of my unaddressed post-adoption issues, I inadvertently let my latent bipolar tendencies emerge and get the better of me. I hit bottom. I nearly destroyed my mind.
But slowly, deliberately and drawing on that (in)famous “adoptee resilience,” I made the arduous trek up the hill. These days, I’m on stable footing; I can reach back and give a helping hand to my fellow adoptees.
That’s why I want to give voice to PTSD and the effects of trauma and abuse. That’s why I write about all this adoption crap all the time. ...

Laura Dennis is the author of "Adopted Reality" that I give 5 STARS! ...Trace

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Part 2: The fight for Baby Veronica

   
Veronica at home in Oklahoma (Indian Country Today)
          

Another article in this excellent series.
“The birth mother knew I was Cherokee, she knew I was a tribal member, she knew my birth date and she knew how to spell my name,” said Brown matter-of-factly. “Look, we've known each other since we were 16. We were engaged. She absolutely knew all of my vital information. And she gave [the attorney and the tribe] the wrong information [hoping to keep the adoption secret].”

Facts Are Stubborn Things

From the outset, the case of Adoptive Couple v. Baby Girl has been rife with errors: Errors in spelling, incorrect dates, bad judgment, and finally, errors in execution. Whether by prevaricated fabrication, purposeful obfuscation or the result of a simple incompetence, the crucial mistakes made in the very beginning and thereafter proved pivotal to the subsequent battle between the Capobiancos and Dusten Brown.

Read more at  http://indiancountrytodaymedianetwork.com/2013/05/13/fight-baby-veronica-part-2-149336

Saturday, May 11, 2013

The Spirit to Speak Out: Robin Poor Bear's Bravery

In Kind-Hearted Woman, Robin Poor Bear negotiates motherhood, sobriety and justice. (Courtesy PBS)
April 18, 2013
To say that Robin Poor Bear, Oglala Sioux, struggled with the decision to allow a documentary film crew to make a movie about her life is an understatement. It’s no accident, for instance, that she got sober at the same time that filming began in 2007.
“I went downhill making that decision,” she said. “I went through about three or four months of just drinking, and anger and negative feelings. Finally one night I prayed. I ended up having a dream that someone in the house had died and everyone knew how this person had died, but no one was saying anything. Right before the police left I opened my mouth and I said, ‘I know what happened.’ ”
Poor Bear knew then that she was angry with everyone in her life who hadn’t spoken out about the abuse she had suffered.
“I knew then that I was mad at everybody for not protecting me as a kid,” she said. “And I knew that I had to do this film and speak out.”
Filmmaker David Sutherland and his crew followed Poor Bear, who was then known by her married name Robin Charboneau, through three years of her life. The result, a nearly five-hour documentary, Kind-Hearted Woman, was shown on PBS April 1 and 2 as a joint production of Frontline and Independent Lens.
The film spans her early 30s, a time when Poor Bear was struggling to overcome the early loss of her alcoholic mother and an abusive first marriage while raising her two children—Anthony, now 14, and Darian, 17. Poor Bear was also still haunted by the abuse that she suffered starting at the age of 3 at the hands of her foster family.
“I was abused by a man I called grandpa, his son (I called dad), the brothers of the man I called dad (which would be uncles) and others,” she told ICTMN.
Robin Poor Bear fights to keep and protect her kids Anthony, 14, and Darian, 17. (Kimmer Olesak, Courtesy PBS/WXXI, Rochester, New York)
Robin Poor Bear fights to keep and protect her kids Anthony, 14, and Darian, 17. (Kimmer Olesak, Courtesy PBS/WXXI, Rochester, New York)
The small family somehow got used to the presence of the camera; the tape kept rolling through many tearful talks and family arguments. Darian even revealed to her mother, on camera, that she had been abused by her own father—Poor Bear’s first husband—which led to a federal investigation, indictment and imprisonment that unfolds over the course of the documentary. A custody battle in tribal court on the Spirit Lake Reservation is also featured, including a six-month period when Poor Bear’s children ended up in foster care.
And Kind-Hearted Woman traces Poor Bear’s ill-fated second marriage from beginning almost to its end. The small family picked up and moved many times—from the reservation to Fargo, North Dakota, to International Falls, Minnesota, to Canada and back again, in response to each curveball.
“I had no idea what was to come during the filming process,” Poor Bear reflected. “I had no idea that my daughter was going to come out about the abuse, and I had no idea that Spirit Lake Social Services was going to take my kids away for the film. My adoptive family hasn’t spoken with me for years. That’s fine, because they carry that shame. I don’t carry it any more.”
It was Poor Bear’s local victim service program director, Linda Thompson, who introduced her to Sutherland, who was looking for a good documentary subject. Poor Bear made herself available, with reservations.
“I was terrified that entire week before he came to the Spirit Lake Reservation,” she said, “because there were only two other people who knew parts of my story at the time. One was my therapist and the other was a person who called me ‘sister.’ David was the third.”
Despite her reservations, Poor Bear came to realize she was doing the film to give other abuse victims a glimmer of connection and hope.
“If there was one woman out there, I had to do it,” she said. “When you’re in that situation, you feel so alone.”
Not that her road back has been easy. Poor Bear had hoped to return to school for psychology and social work so she could learn how to help abuse victims, especially on the reservation. However, her ex-husband’s sexual molestation trial and the custody battle interfered. She started classes but abandoned them when she felt her children needed her.
Though Poor Bear’s academic plans got tabled, she found her way. The film shows her working as a hotel maid for a time, then landing the first of several social services jobs—monitoring supervised visits for dysfunctional families at a victims’ advocacy organization in International Falls.
Her responsibilities grew until she had a nervous breakdown, related to her personal struggles, after which her social services supervisor lost confidence in her and let her go. But she quickly found work with a similar organization. And within days of the brief psychiatric hospital stay, she was exposing her past in a new way: as a speaker in front of victims, victims’ advocates, and whoever else would listen.
“I was torn and ripped to pieces by people I called dad, uncles,” she told that first rapt audience, as captured in the film.
By now, speaking out about abuse has become Poor Bear’s primary occupation. And even as Kind-Hearted Woman chronicles her path in its early stages, it continues to push her along her way. Since its release, Poor Bear’s has calendar filled with speaking engagements for several months.
“Some people are booking into next year,” she said. “It can’t get any better.”
Personally, she said, the film “helped me grow. It helped me listen to my spirit. My spirit came alive. It made me a better mom. Women and children have been reaching out from all over, talking about their issues, some for the first time. Not just women and children but men also. I’m just so blessed in so many ways that I can’t even count.”
Poor Bear says she has received responses from abuse victims all over the world. But perhaps the most meaningful support has come when she has visited her own reservation.
“I walk around on the reservation. The elders will say, ‘I need to give you a hug.’ And they’ll say, ‘That’s a good thing you did. I’m proud of you.’ ”
Poor Bear says she recognizes that abuse happens all over, not just on her own reservation. But reservations often add another layer of obstacles to healing, she says.
“We just don’t have the amount of resources,” she explained. “We’re low on housing. We’re low on law enforcement. Some of our judicial systems need to be revamped. The sexual abuse and domestic violence that happens on a reservation are bad, but it’s even worse when the systems that are sworn to protect families and children don’t do that.”
Happily, Poor Bear’s own children are doing just fine, in part because of the documentary itself. “It was healing in so many ways,” she said. “After my kids watched the film.… I never dreamed that my kids could become closer than they already were. [Sutherland] gave them each other’s perspective.… You talk about a blessing. I’m so grateful.”
Soon the children will join their mother on a trip to Laramie, Wyoming, where they both hope to attend college. Anthony is interested in an automotive program at WyoTech, and Darian wants to go to the University of Wyoming.
“She wants to do everything,” her mother says proudly, “modeling, singing. She wants to be a vet. She wants to be an advocate.”
Both kids have even developed public presentations of their own. Darian’s focuses on the signs of childhood abuse; Anthony’s details his own struggle with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. “It’s really great,” Poor Bear said. “He ends it with, ‘Thank you for paying attention.’ ”
And Poor Bear is now spreading her message in new ways. On Mother’s Day she will break ground on a long-term, nonprofit treatment center for women and children who suffer from abuse and/or chemical dependency. Her wish for the center’s clients is the same one she has for the audiences at her talks: a sense of hope.
“Keep going forward,” she urges victims of abuse. “Don’t ever let whatever happened to you in your past stop you from building a better life for yourself.”


Read more at http://indiancountrytodaymedianetwork.com/2013/04/18/spirit-speak-out-documentary-features-oglala-sioux-womans-heartbreak-and-redemption

She is my hero! Happy Mother's Day to everyone... xox Trace
 

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To Veronica Brown

Veronica, we adult adoptees are thinking of you today and every day. We will be here when you need us. Your journey in the adopted life has begun, nothing can revoke that now, the damage cannot be undone. Be courageous, you have what no adoptee before you has had; a strong group of adult adoptees who know your story, who are behind you and will always be so.

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BOOK 5: Lost Children of the Indian Adoption Projects